Nationals Inquisition

Ken Rosenthal and Jon Paul Morosi are “breaking” the story that according to a source, the Nationals have not offered any sort of extension in any form– not one.

“They’ve never made one proposal,” the source said.

Rumor has it the Nats might make a last minute proposal to Dunn who will either take it and stay in D.C. or ditch it and get traded. If true, the Adam Dunn Market is expected to get hotter which could work for or against the Nationals.

“Source.” I hate Source. Source is like the devil of sports writing: He is a liar, but sometimes he mixes lies with the truth. Take it for what it is worth, but supposing this is true, this doesn’t sound like a team that is really gung-ho about keeping the slugging first baseman. For such a valuable “anchor” in the clubhouse, the Nats seem more than willing to be risky with him.

Of course, Dunn isn’t necessarily sending the love back either with pretty steep demands and visiting opposing team’s radio announcers in uniform while your team is getting their asses handed to them.

Whatever the case, the Adam Dunn Theater continues…

–In Brief Relief

Formestane Junky Suspended – Nationals shortstop Pedro Lopez who is playing for the Triple-A Syracuse Chiefs has been suspended 50 games for testing positive for Formestane and not being a good enough Ninja to continually hide the fact he actually plays for the Nationals because now we all now know he does.

If you haven’t seen the Crazy Double Rainbow Guy video on Youtube yet, then you either don’t have an Internet or you are completely unplugged from the social vein. Really, it is spectacular that you can do shrooms at Yosemite Park, film yourself having a trippy orgasm over a rainbow and be a national, viral celebrity overnight. Only in America.

Personally, it is bit overrated because Nats fans already sort of did this video a month or two ago when Adam Dunn and Josh Willingham hit back-to-back homeruns during Strasburg’s debut. You could hear the fans in Nats Park, “Oh, wow! Double homeruns! Ha, ha, wow! It’s…it’s so beautiful…it’s…it’s–”

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Riggleman’s Damn Half-Full Glass Again - The Nationals got blanked by the Florida Marlins last night 2-0. Pitcher Livan Hernandez gave up only four hits, but it was enough as the Nats deadfense stranded 11 baserunners. Imagine if all those baserunners crossed the plate. That means the score would have been 11-2. But manager Jim Riggleman is not worried. He is impressed they got as many hits and baserunners as they did against the Marlin’s Josh Johnson:

“…But I look at the glass is half full; if we’re going to have that many runners and that many hits, we’re going to have some good things happen, said Riggleman.”

Riggs glass is half full of something. Probably whiskey. Word on the street Bobby Valentine is still available.

Rizzo Is Being A Bit Prude- GM Mike Rizzo says he has so far been “unimpressed” with any offers coming at the club for first baseman Adam Dunn. The Angels, White Sox and Yankees have at one time or another been connected with trade rumors, but as of now the chance of Dunn being moved before the Trade Deadline is looking slim.

So Nats fans who love being in the cellar, but dig those near upper-deck shots can rejoice for now. Who gives a dang about team improvements when you have those tape measure bombs to entertain you? Remember, Selig said it best: Chicks dig the longball. And the longblog. Like this one.

Jesus Flores Who? – Nationals catcher, or at least we think he is still considered a Nationals catcher, Jesus Flores will continue a throwing program on Monday at the team’s Spring Training complex in Viera, FL after two weeks of rest on a sore shoulder. There is no timetable for Flores’ return to the Majors–

Oh, who really cares? We all know the guy is probably done. I can’t believe I still waste Internet room on stories like this.

Harrisburg Got Spanked - Nats Double-A affiliate the Harrisburg Senators had a 14-8 lead going into the ninth-inning of their game against the Altoona Curve last night, but ended up blowing it by allowing the Curve to score 10 runs in the ninth. Previously, the Senators were 32-0 when leading after eight innings.

Wow. Truly, they are on the path to be true Washington Nationals.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Jesus Conrad Christ, which one of my staff members comes up with these images? It is almost getting to the point of silliness and where there is silliness, there is usually THIS GUY and THIS GUY.

I guess you should expect a little bit of craziness during Mr. Miyagi Week. It comes with the territory. This blog also comes with–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Which Way Did They Go, Boss? – The Nationals were nutblasted by the San Diego Padres last night 7-1. Friar pitcher Mat Latos was all over the Nats while Nationals Luis Atilano couldn’t put it together.

If you receive a postcard in the mail from Suck City it most likely came from the Nationals offense who seem to vacation there a lot.

He Was So Screwed – Or so says about 98% of Natstown. Third baseman Ryan Zimmerman fell short in his bid to be the NL Final Vote All-Star, losing to Cincinnati Reds first baseman and nobody Joey Votto.

This is punishment from the Baseball Gods for Gary Majewski. Screw you so bad, JimBo.

If It Isn’t Bryce Harper… - Does anyone really, totally care if anyone else gets drafted and signed? I know THIS GUY does, but I suppose we should drink one for outfielders Kevin Keyes, Randolph Oduber and shortstop Kevin Hague who agreed to terms with the Nats from the 2010 First Year Player’s Draft.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Harper. I hope you enjoy– oops, sorry. That is Kevin Hague from RICE. Silly me. I have Bryce on the brain and they rhyme.

God Made Strasburg In His Image – Nationals Triple-A affiliate the Syracuse Chiefs will be giving away Stephen Strasburg action figures to continue to cash in commemorate Strasburg’s epic, but brief time in Syracuse. The first 3,000 ticket buying fans of the game on August 27th against Buffalo will receive a voucher and first dibs.

eBay better prepare to be flooded with these. They sort of remind me of a cross between a bobblehead and those Staring Lineup Action Figures of the 80s and 90s. Those figures all looked the same except for Eddie Murray who looked like he was molded into the meanest Black Panther in the Universe.

How The Hell Did We Miss This? – We totally missed this story earlier in the week, but we thought it still was worth mentioning, but earlier this week former Nationals first baseman and Comeback Player of the Year, Dmitri Young was nabbed in an Illinois airport with marijuana in his bag. Young told the press that he has been using the herb for medicinal purposes tied to the aches and pains of his days as a player and his Type 2 diabetes.

It might surprise long time readers of this blog that we actually really do believe him. But isn’t Young beginning to sound like the Big Lebowski? Sloth, drunk-like and jay smoking. One must wonder when he tokes up, does he get visions of swimming with marmots and having Flea cut off his johnson?

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

The Nationals had an off-day yesterday so we took one too. Off days tend to be boring so all we did in Headquarters yesterday was listen to the World Cup and take up a new hobby: footbagging. Also known as “hacky sack” it is the patron game of lazy college students, stoners and Rastafarians everywhere. The staff really has picked it up. They prefer it over the giant hamster wheel I built for them. Everyone is kicking balls all over the place around here.

Actually, they are kicking footbags all over the place and I am kicking their balls to get to work so I can put together–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

There Are 22 New Nats Running Around – It is like an infestation. The Washington Nationals have signed 22 players they took in the 2010 First-Year players draft, including four in their Top 10 selections. The Nats are still working on trying to sign top overall pick Bryce Harper and six of their top eight picks.

So no Bryce Harper? Then there really isn’t much news here, is there? Next– actually, no. Congrats to the 22 new Nationals, a list we could take forever typing here so we won’t. It is a nice start to replenish the farm system. Sort of like giving an old man a shot of steroids. Oops, can’t use that word around these parts! I meant purple Pez.

Was There Really Any Doubt? – Nationals starter Stephen Strasburg earned the National League Player Of The Week Award following his first two games in the Majors where he is 2-0 with 22 strike outs. Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton and right-hander Colby Lewis took the American League honors, but screw Hamilton and Lewis because Strasburg can strike them out too.

I’m sure naming Stephen Strasburg the Bank of America Player of the Week was the hardest decision to make. Ever.

It Should Be Framed And Put In An Art Museum - Another hard decision: the decision to put Stephen Strasburg and the Washington Nationals front and center on this week’s Sports Illustrated Cover.

This kid is making things tough.

Server Farts – As one of five or six people that actually read this totally epic blog, you might be noticing some errors when you try to get your daily douse of Nats smartassiness. Ignore them. We are experiencing some server troubles that are out of our hands. Hopefully they are fixed, but we are keeping an eye on it.

Sort of like how BP put a webcam 5,000 ft below sea level to watch an oil leak rather than actually fix it. Send Strasburg. He’ll know what to do.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Perhaps the only real positive thing to come out of Natstown yesterday didn’t even happen in Natstown, but in Syracuse. Actually HE happened in Syracuse.

Stephen Strasburg pitched in his last minor league game for the Triple-A Syracuse Chiefs yesterday pitching five shutout innings, giving up only three hits, a walk and five strikeouts. Tearing through the Buffalo Bison’s line-up was merely putting a little grease on the gears as Strasburg gets set for his June 8th Major League debut at Nationals Park against the Pittsburgh Pirates.

“What more can you say?” Strasburg said. “It’s something that I’ve dreamed about my entire life, and now it’s starting to become a reality.”

Finally…. The Burg is coming back to Washington Deeeeee Ceeeeee! Sorry, old Dwayne Johnson habit. But I think you can smell what I am cooking. The excitement at Strasburg making his debut is at a fever pitch and there is no hotter ticket in town on Tuesday night. The NQ will be there as well as most of the Natstown faithful. But more importantly…finally… Stephen Strasburg will be there. When asked if he was ready for the biggest night of his life:

“That’s for you guys [the media] to decide,” Strasburg said. “I feel like I’ve been ready.”

We’ve been ready too, pitcher man. D.C. has been ready for oh so long.

The Nationals kick off a grueling 10-game Left Coast tour tonight, starting with the San Fransisco Giants at the ungodly time of 10:15pm EDT. Jesus, what a horrible time to start a baseball game. The Giants are first, then the Nats move over to San Diego to face the red hot friars and then they pass through Houston in the state that massacres history textbooks to face the Astros before coming home to the Reds.

With recent injuries and pitching break downs, this is going to be a rough leg of the schedule. So we are trying to think happy thoughts around Headquarters. That is why I posted the picture above. I don’t know anything more happy than that. Well, maybe that and–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

What Does It All Mean? – Nats phenom Stephen Strasburg pitched in yet another Triple-A start last night and gave up the first runs of his Triple-A career. He threw 52 pitches in five innings, he allowed two runs (one earned) on five hits with no walks and five strikeouts. Strasburg’s devastating curve and changeup were missing their marks last night, but he quickly adjusted, limited the damage as the Syracuse Chiefs defeated the Toledo Mud Hens 6-3.

He gave up runs? What does this all mean?! Nothing. It happens. We aren’t even going to over analyze this. Even Jesus flipped a table in temple once in awhile in anger. Now go try and find tickets to the June 4th game against the Reds.

No Chance In Hell, San Diego – San Diego News Network writer Jeff Creps wrote an online letter (article) requesting that the Washington Nationals should have Stephen Strasburg make his debut in San Diego citing that Strasburg is from San Diego and the city has been watching the career of Strasburg way before anyone in DC was, so what better place to make his debut?

“Dear Mr. Creps, What better place to make his debut? How about Nationals Park? Get the hell out of here with this hometown pity-party crap. San Diego missed out. Get over it. Love, Nats Fans.” Anyone who thinks Strasburg will make his debut outside of Washington D.C., the team that drafted him and put him on the map, has serious screws loose. For him to not debut in Nats Park would be an absolute slap in the face to every Nats fan that has patiently waited this long and it would be a business and financial fail as well. We can stop this talk of him starting in San Diego, Houston, Bolivia, Venus– he will debut in D.C. Have you bought your June 4th tickets yet?

Our Pudge Is Sore – That sort of sounds gross, doesn’t it? Anyways, catcher Pudge Rodriguez has been moved to the 15-Day DL with a back strain. He did not go with the team on their road trip and will instead rest up in D.C. while the Nats call up catcher Carlos Maldonado from Triple-A Syracuse to fill in as back-up catcher behind Wil Nieves.

Michael Morse was supposed to be back-up, but those plans were nixed. Morse trained as a catcher in Spring Training, but it just wasn’t a feasible idea. Other teams would have a field day running all over the field on him. It would be like the time I was younger and I found a Snickers bar in the schoolyard and I chased all the girls around with it in my hand saying it was poop. Later, in the principals office, I found out it was poop. Oops.

Steve Phillips Will Work For Food - I had to ask one of my staff members who the hell Steve Phillips was and by the time he said Phillips had worked for ESPN and was a former New York Mets manager I already knew the guy was a sausage head. Phillips went on some radio show and offered up his life-stopping wisdom by saying he would trade Houston pitcher Roy Oswalt for the Nats Stephen Strasburg straight up.

Yeah, your right. There really is no news in this other than Steve Phillips is a moron and should go back to hounding and banging production assistants. I shouldn’t have posted it. I failed you. I feel ashamed. Please– throw me to the floor and do as you will with me.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Nationals catching prospect Derek Norris is recovering after getting hit in the head by pitch during a minor league game against the Salem Red Sox yesterday. Norris immediately went down and was knocked out for a minute and stayed laying on the field for 10 minutes before being moved to a local hospital. He is expected to recover, but will miss 7-10 days with a concussion.

Frankly, this is a bit disastrous. I was about to jokingly say that if P-Rod went down, then the team would be stuck with the amazing wizardry of Wil Nieves, but then I read that Pudge is now out of the current game against the Baltimore Orioles with back spasms. Oh, joy. It looks like it is Wil Nieves forever. Or Michael Morse. He trained as a catcher during Spring Training, but I just can’t see that seriously happening. Other teams would be running all over the field.

Jesus Flores, extinct. Pudge Rodriguez, ailing. Wil Nieves, curse you. The Nationals just haven’t ever had any luck with the catcher’s position.

Bryce Harper might be on the fastest track to the Majors. Ever.

His impending call-up is only weeks away, but even still it is ridiculous to think how Stephen Strasburg is still pitching in the minors. In fact, it could be deemed cruel and unusual punishment that the Nationals subject the rest of the league’s snot-noses to his wrath.

But Strasburg is a loving God.

Strasburg earned his third win for the Triple-A Syracuse Chiefs last night, pitching 6.1 innings, allowing only three hits, two walks and a career high nine strike outs. His control was a bit shaky in the early innings, but he buckled down and dominated. He hit 99mph twice and in his final innings was consistently hitting 96-97mph fastballs mixed with an 89mph change up. Syracuse beat the Rochester Red Wings 5-1.

Ungodly holy.

Strasburg did experience spots of pressure with men on base, but was able to strand the runners by either inning-ending strikeouts or depending on the defense behind him:

“It was good to see them there,” Strasburg said of pitching with runners on base, “because that’s part of baseball. They’re going to be there sooner or later.”

“They squared up on some balls,” admitted Strasburg. “I was trying to get early contact and let my defense play behind me — let the hitters get themselves out. That was something I was working on tonight.”

And what is today’s Sunday school lesson, kids?

IF YOU END UP ON BASE WHEN STRASBURG IS PITCHING– IT IS ONLY BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU THERE.

Nationals pitching wizard Stephen Strasburg pitched in his second Triple-A Syracuse start last night and pitched six hitless, scoreless innings, walking only one batter and striking out seven in a 4-0 Syracuse win over the Norfolk Tide.

In seven minor league starts, Strasburg has been absolutely atrocious with a 1.06 ERA and a 0.65 WHIP.

Yeah, I totally know where Rizzo was coming from now. I have seen the light. This kid just isn’t ready for the Majors. Not only does he have to see the “everdayness” (term currently being copyrighted by Mike Rizzo) of how the cracker jack minor leagues are run, but he has to learn to pitch and he should probably work on his maturity levels as well:

“I’m focusing on what the Nationals people have been trying to have me work on,” Strasburg said. “It’s all development and really trying to build on things from pitching coach Randy Tomlin in Harrisburg and now up here with [Greg] Booker, so it’s all about maintaining the program.”

Jesus, how immature. This kid has a lot of growing up to do. If he doesn’t shape up soon he is going to be one of those “career” minor league prospects. It is just a sad thing to see. Some players have such potential, but they either burn out or can’t get it together to make the Majors.

But hey, it happens when you give these kids $15 million and put the weight of the entire franchise on their shoulders. They never live up to hype or expectations.

Thank God, Mike Rizzo has an eye for these things.

We are back from our overnight trip to the haunted West Virginia Penitentiary in Moundsville, WV and all I can say is, “Whoa.” Whoa. Over 900 people either died or were killed in that building in ways that would make a Friday The 13th movie cringe. We’ll leave it at that and save the stories of that night for another blog. But, WHOA!

We are still getting situated back at Headquarters so we have a lot to catch up on, so we’ll just run down a little of what we missed before getting back to the meat and potatoes of this whole Nationals thing.

The Nats filleted the Marlins not once, but twice… John Lannan is getting ready to get it back on… Doug Slaten is back, Matt Chico is sent to Harrisburg… Strasburg is asking himself what the hell is he doing in Syracuse… and the Nationals are in second place in the NL East. Wait, what?

Who is in second place?

The Nationals took down Team Choke East 3-2 in Zoo York. Adam Kennedy and Ryan Zimmerman both had solo shots while Pudge Rodriguez donated an RBI of his own to the cause. Starter Luis Atilano picked up his third win of the season, Miguel Batista his first save and Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps picked up some much needed R&R. The Nats move into sole possession of second place in the NL East with an 18-14 record.

What is the secret to the Nats early season success? Improved pitching, improved defense, improved fundamentals and according to Pudge Rodriguez, improved chemistry– that doesn’t involve Barry Bond’s favorite kind of chemistry:

“I don’t know if we made a statement. We are not thinking about anybody,” Rodriguez said. “We are thinking about our team. The chemistry is positive every single day, and that’s our main focus. We have to keep it the way it is. Everybody is happy. Everybody is together as a ballclub.”

I can’t believe this team is in second in the division. I’m even more shocked that it has lasted this long. It feels good. It is sort of like sitting on the pot reading a nudie mag or showing off your new Brontosaurus tattoo that you got while drunk one night. It is a true conversation starter.

Fortunately, Nats fans can now remain in the conversation.