I’m sitting in the NQ lodge tonight chewing on a piece of slightly raw bacon, looking over recent Nats news and breaking in a new pair of glasses that were delivered barefoot up the mountain by the hillbilly who I guess could be considered the “postman” in these parts who only shows up once every two weeks. I gave him a shot of White Lightning for his troubles and kicked him out the door.
I apologize if anything is misspelled or grammatically incorrect in this posting. It is like I am looking through a fishbowl currently.
I usually save these types of posts for the morning, but for the next couple days I might be hard to come by as I have made contact with the local shaman and he will be taking me deep into the woods to a spiritual place where we will take some strange potion of herbs, twigs and mushrooms in order to enter inside myself and find the deeper meaning behind the off season. Perhaps I will be able to psychically know what free agents the Nationals will be getting this year, I don’t know, but it certainly beats constantly reading and ranting on “What if…” articles, “Why the Nats Should Go After [INSERT PLAYER NAME]” pieces as if.
If I survive I should return to the Lodge with a greater understanding of this whole Hot Stove business. If not, then this might be the very last–
Your Nationals Dispatch.
Nationals Are About To Extend Contract With Penis Jokes – The Nationals and starting pitcher Chien-Ming Wang are close to a deal that would keep the towering Taiwanese pitcher in Washington says a report and are only now trying to figure out the “contract language.” Wang has made it clear he wants to stay in D.C. because he feels a loyalty to the team who stayed loyal to him while he recovered for nearly two years from shoulder surgery. Wang says money will not be an issue.
What does this mean? It means the Nationals will potentially retain a great, veteran pitcher with plenty left in the tank and who wants to actually stay in D.C. and they will also usher in a whole new contract of penis jokes every time Wang starts. Sounds like a good deal to me.
Mr. National Continues To Look More Sketchy And Crooked - Former Nationals starter and now free agent Livan Hernandez is in trouble with Suntrust Bank. Anything dealing with numbers looks scary to me so I will just say Hernandez was sued by Suntrust over a line of credit and promissory note the bank claimed he breached- and he lost. Now Livo has to pay
$258,595.76 $469,387.22. Add this on top of his legal troubles involving him being a straw buyer for a known and convicted drug lord and now Mr. National doesn’t really look like the type of guy you want your kids to idolize or base a baseball’s franchise off of.
Hernandez and the Nationals haven’t had serious talks about him returning to D.C. and I doubt at this juncture they ever will. He is finished in Washington and he leaves as crooked and twisted as any gin-fiend politician wobbling drunk out of a Capitol Hill slaughterhouse.
Bryce Harper Can Maybe Make The Team Out Of Spring Training– In Some Universe: Top Nats prospect Bryce Harper is shredding the Arizona Fall League and has been named to the Rising Stars Game (sort of a mini-All Star game for minis) on Nov. 5th. All this has gotten people talking with some believing he can make the big team right out of Spring Training 2012.
My thoughts on it? Not going to happen. Unless the ground cracks open and swallows the Nationals outfield in Viera I just don’t see the Nationals making that move. Doesn’t seem GM Mike Rizzo’s style and it is a move that would reek of desperation at not finding a legit outfielder to fill the role until Harper is indeed, truly ready. I guess a lot could change between now and then, but I would not place a bet on that particular cock in this cockfight.
Some Weird Food And Hair Over There - Several Nationals including Michael Morse, Chien-Ming Wang and Collin Balester are over in Taiwan taking part in an exhibition game and from all reports the Nationals are big hits over there, probably because of the influence Wang has on his own country. Wang is like Bat-Super-Jeter-Man over there.
I just wanted to post two pictures for your amusement. First, here is a photo of Collin Balester looking like Justin Bieber. Michael Morse and a Screech doll included as well. Second, here is a photo of some food some of the players were trying. I am told this is a 100-year old egg which, if true, would show the Taiwanese people have incredible patience when it comes to gourmet. In America, we don’t appreciate things like that. We’d just go down the street to the local dog park and pick it up for dinner. We call it fast food.
And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.