The Circus Is Coming To Natstown In 2018


The Washington Nationals were awarded the 2018 All-Star Game, otherwise known as the Mid-Summer Classic, on Monday in a pre-game announcement led by MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred. Ole’ Rob. Good old Robby.

It is the first All-Star game played in Washington since 1969 when we put men on the moon and most of our parents were having a dandy of a time experimenting with LSD. Manfred had this to say about the Nation’s Capital finally getting the chance to host again:

“I am pleased that the Nationals will have the opportunity to host the Midsummer Classic for the first time since Major League Baseball returned to our nation’s capital in 2005,” Manfred said. “The best sporting event of the summer, which will be held one decade after the opening of Nationals Park, will add a new chapter to the long and distinguished baseball tradition in Washington, D.C.”

Best sporting event of the summer, please. I’d agree if the All-Star game was legitimately an “All-Star Game” but anyone with half a mind and one eye can see the All Star game is only one giant popularity contest and mindless sports spectacle. It is more like a Monster Truck rally than a test of the skill and grit of the league’s best. Hell, most of the time the “league’s best” aren’t even voted in or invited. It is a pathetically broken system that we pretend works over rounds of $10 Bud Lights and debt inducing authentic jersey buying.

Hopefully we can get more than the required Nationals representative into the game. Will anyone still be around in 2018? That has yet to be determined, but somehow probably Dan Uggla.

So bring out the clowns, roger in the elephants and build the trapezes. The circus is coming to town. The annual league baring its ass and hypocrisy to the world is at hand and it’s doing it in the town that makes a living at that sort of thing.

What? What are you asking me?

Of course I’m going to try and get a ticket.

Baba Booey Might Be Coming To Nats Park Next Season


Howard 100 News reports that Baba Booey aka Fa-Fa-Flunky aka Ta-Ta-Toothy aka Ma-Ma-Monkey aka Boy Gary might be making a stop at Nationals Park sometime during the 2014 season to take in a game and scratch the Washington ballpark off his list of ballparks he has visited. Baba Booey is actually named Gary Dell’Abate and is the famed producer of the Howard Stern Show on SiruisXM. His boss, shock jock Howard Stern, once was employed by D.C. radio station DC101.

Dell’Abate (who we will refer to as Baba Booey from now on in this article because I hate that coma in his name) is an avid baseball fan and is in the process of organizing among his friends a tour that will eventually take them to every ballpark in the MLB. Right now, tentatively, Toronto or Washington are next on his list in 2014. Baba Booey forced himself into MLB infamy on May 9, 2009 when he threw out the first pitch at a New York Mets game that ended up doing a Matt Chico and hit an umpire. It is perhaps the worst first pitch in baseball history. You decide:

The NQ are huge Stern Show fans and the possibility of seeing Baba Booey in the crowd at a Nats game and getting the opportunity to shout “Baba Booey” or “Howard Stern’s penis” at him would probably be the apex of this blog’s existence.

It would be cool if the Nats could find out if and when he is coming and offer him a chance to redeem himself by letting him throw out the first pitch. Maybe he’ll finally swear off the Mets. Probably not, but one could hope.

By the way, check out that hyperlink above with the Booey Compilation. In it is a guy wearing a Nats hat who uses “Baba Booey” as code for something is wrong during a newscast.


VIDEO: Gio Gonzalez Hangs With Hooligans

This is already a couple days old and you have probably already have seen it, but I might as well post it up anyway because D.C. United was nice enough to send this our way and this is my blog and I will post what I want.

Before he got pwned on Sunday by Atlanta, Nationals pitcher Gio Gonzalez took in a D.C. United game at RFK stadium on Saturday night. D.C. United. Washington’s professional Major League Soccer team. Yes, D.C. has a soccer team and they win more gear than pretty much all the other D.C. sports teams– at least they have in the past. Before the game Gio served as a cross-sport ambassador and met with fans, signed autographs and hopefully left before United was sent to a crushing, miserable 2-0 defeat.

From the video I see Gonzalez met with some of the local supporter’s groups or if you want to go all European on us, the “firms.” Definitely see some members of La Barra Barva and the Screaming Eagles. Great photo of a RVA-DCU rep. Gio probably hit the other groups too, like the District Ultras (my fav) and La Norte.

I love it when the Nationals get together with other D.C. sports teams to show support, especially D.C. United. I’ve been saying for awhile now that a Nats-United combo is potential gold. United fans are absolutely incredible and I wish that energy and creativity would translate over to baseball, but sadly I think baseball is stuck in the its own muck of snobbery and tradition to actually “get it.”

Oh, stop it. Don’t act like drum beating, singing and smoke bombs wouldn’t have improved the atmosphere at Nats Park this past weekend.

From all reports it sounds like more people attended a funeral rather than a baseball game.


Nats Blue Ribbon and– Bratwurst

The NQ pulled up to the (full and closed) Yards to try and find decent parking today and head over to reader @Powerboater69‘s tailgate in said Yards, but couldn’t get in due to huge masses of people already partying and getting juiced like degenerates and fake rock star Washington politicians.

However, it wasn’t a total loss. As we pulled up, so did the Pabst Blue Ribbon truck to Nats Park. Baseball Gods, be praised! Glory! If that wasn’t a good sign about how the day was going to go, I don’t know what would suffice.

Tailgating was pretty tight. Beers and bratwurst. With Dr. W having season tickets I am seriously considering a future NQ Tailgate event which would probably include beer and– bratwurst. And hopefully chicks. Yeah, chicks. Any chicks wanna come drink some beer with this blog?

But thanks to Tom and the rest of those particular hooligans for the invite, beer and– bratwurst. Big supporters of this blog even though we totally suck. Also saw these flags in The Yards and thought I’d take a shot of them:

A NQ tailgate… the idea gives me both nightmares and wood.

10 Possible Presidents (That Won’t Be Riding A Raptor) That Could Join The President’s Race

It is times like these that I sincerely hope the Washington Nationals organization reads this blog. I cannot think of a better place for them to gather key information on how to create a positive environment and experience for their loyal fans. News has recently broke that the Washington Nationals will be adding a fifth president to the infamous Geico Presidents Race. Adding a fifth president will add an exciting new dynamic to this 4th inning tradition.

Or will it……?

Let’s not ignore what this is really about, the Nationals are desperately trying to keep the intrigue of the Presidents Race alive. Despite what many think of the race, I view it as a local tradition that I look forward to each game. To me, it is essentially like singing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” during the Seventh Inning Stretch. However, with any special event there is a level of intrigue that must be maintained. In the case of the Presidents Race, the mystery behind Teddy Roosevelt’s first ever victory was what kept the intrigue alive. By having him win, the race essentially die– or at least it should have died.

The Presidents Race will likely become the equivalent to that lousy sequel to what was once a great flick. It has transformed from Bruce Almighty to Evan Almighty; from The Godfather to The Godfather Part Three. After a certain point you just have to quit while you are ahead. Despite my pessimism towards the future of the race, there are a few possibilities to keep the level of enthusiasm toward the race alive. Here is my list of ideas on who the fifth president should be, why, and what about them could be done to make them a successful rookie in the majors:

  1. Franklin Roosevelt: FDR played a substantial role in lifting us out of the Great Depression and WWII making him an iconic president. His popularity would instantly make him a fan favorite. The way to make it really interesting would be to have him race in a wheel chair to serve as an inspiration for everyone out there who still has polio.
  2. William Taft: How can one not love William Taft? The man got stuck in a bath tub for God’s sake. Every victory for him is a victory for the pleasantly plump members of society that make America great!
  3. Richard Nixon: Every great game needs a villain right? How fun would Super Mario be if there were no Bowser?
  4. Gerald Ford: The man could barely walk in a straight line without eating dirt. Put some obstacles for him conquer during the race and every victory is guaranteed to generate excitement.
  5. Chester A. Arthur: Is there anything super special as to why Chester should be chosen regarding his presidency or character? Not necessarily. However, how could anyone not root for those sideburns? After all, something has to outsell those Jayson Werth beard silhouette t-shirts, right?
  6. John Quincy Adams: Adams was known for frequently skinny-dipping in the Potomac River. So why not bring a little exhibitionism into the mix? A little public nudity never hurt anybody.
  7. Andrew Jackson: Jackson is the only known president to have killed someone in a duel. In these times of gun advocacy, who better than Andrew Jackson to race?
  8. William Henry Harrison: It would be exhilarating to even see him get started!
  9. Warren Harding: The amount of bets made on the presidents races would increase substantially. Word of advice for Harding: don’t bet on yourself. If you were good at gambling you might still have that priceless White House china.
  10. Bill Clinton: To me, Bill Clinton is the most sensible choice. Just put some fat female intern at the finish line and he would be guaranteed to win every race.

If the Nats go with one of these ten options, I am fairly confident that the Geico Presidents Race can maintain its luster and popularity. However, for some reason I just do not see that happening. I hope everyone enjoyed the Presidents Race while it lasted.

Now that Teddy won, the Geico Presidents Race’s attractiveness will most likely be dead like nine of the ten presidents on that list.

(Photo jacked from Silver Underground)

A Letter To Mike Rizzo

Dear Mikey,

I can call you, Mikey, right? Are we on that level yet? I hope so. Lord knows over the years we’ve called you many things on this blog. We’ve made cracks about your Tommy Bahama addiction, questioned if you are colorblind and as recently as this week we commented on your choice of sweater vests, a fashion you probably haven’t worn since your frat days at Lambda Lambda Lambda. We’ve pasted your head on to Mr. Freeze, the Lord Marshall from Chronicles of Riddick and made public callings for any photos real or otherwise of you dressed as an Oompa-Loompa. Hey, it happens to the best of us really. Especially if you look like Oswald Cobblepot.

But all that is in the past. Today I want to cross the river on a bunch of submerged rocks, meet you in the middle and shake your hand. Thank you, Mikey, thank you. Thank you for what you have done with this team. I don’t know how you did it. I don’t know how you took this used condom of a team and made it into the stud it is today. I’m sure you’ll go off on the dummy card answers of “building a good farm system” and surrounding yourself with the right people and players. Whatever. How did you really do it, Mike? How many virgins did you have to sacrifice?

No, don’t tell me. I understand. You have to keep some trade secrets to yourself. It made you the peacock of a man you are today and today I can see your plumage is in full bloom and rightfully so. You are the General Manager of the NL East Division Champions. Man, I can only imagine what that feels like and in such relatively short time too.

Do you remember the first time we met, Mikey? Do you remember that day? The first day I ever met you I think was back on a Bloggers Day at Nationals back in either 2008 or 2009. Stan Kasten was still with the team and he made a grand entrance into the blogger’s press box with you two or three steps behind probably silently wondering if any of the bloggers had any sort of communicable diseases. Teddy was in the box too and I remember thinking at the time you looked like a member of the Lollipop Guild standing next to the big cartoony brute. Kasten played the salesman of course. Any sort of technical info he handed over to you and you answered it with speed, charisma and intelligence. Everyone in that box quickly got the feeling that while Kasten owned the circus, it was actually your show.

But we both know talking the talk is different from walking the walk. So when you were hired as GM supreme, I found the move rather lackluster because at the time I felt the Nationals needed someone who wasn’t a cowboy (JimBo) but someone who could light a fire under the team’s ass. Face it, they were crap back then.

You’ve made mistakes. Admit it, you have. Nyjer Morgan. Matt Stairs. Brad Lidge. Yunesky Maya. Most likely Chien-Ming Wang. But you’ve had victories, small on the great scale of things, but when put together they created a formidable team, the first formidable team since what? The 1930s?

You’ve done good, Mikey. I just want you to know that. While we give you a bunch of guff on this blog (and we will continue to do so) we are pulling for you and hoping you know what you are doing. So far, it looks like you do and we appreciate your hard work.

However, don’t let this all go to your head. You still have work to do, this season and beyond. Right now we might be massaging your ego and sending you flowers, but you know baseball fans are a fickle bunch and you have to keep showing results and progress.

How quickly one can go from wearing the Nature Boy’s robes to having your head fitted to Jabba The Hutt. Just keep that in mind, Rizz. Congratulations again. I owe you a beer.

Sincerely with love and affection,

The NQ

Bryce Harper Becomes An Action Figure In October

Washington Nationals center fielder and young buck phenom is having another honor bestowed upon him in 2012. In October the famed McFarlane Toys will be producing and distributing a Bryce Harper action figure.

Harper would be the third Washington National to have a figure made by McFarlane Toys. Former closer Chad Cordero and starter Stephen Strasburg have also been “immorTOYlized.” McFarlane Toy Press Release:

McFarlane’s SportsPicks is proud to celebrates one of the most-talked about prospects in the history of Major League baseball with an all-new debut figure and Collector’s Club Exclusive variant.

Harper’s regular figure can be seen wearing his home white Washington Nationals jersey, while the CC exclusive, available only from McFarlane Toys online store, showcases him in his red jersey with iconic eye black. Both versions depict Harper doing exactly what he is known for: showcasing his natural swing!

Pick up Harper’s white jersey figure this October at Toys ‘R’ Us, Hastings Entertainment, FYE,, Card Stadium, The Sports Authority, and the Washington Nationals Team Shop.

Other photos and views of the Harper figure can be seen HERE. Several sites are already taking pre-orders though it is cool they will soon be in the Team Store.

I’m ready to get my dork on. Bryce Harper will look great on top of my Castle Greyskull and fending off the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lando Calrissian figures. They’ll never claim the virginal sporty Barbie!

This Might Be The Only Time Teddy Is The World Wide Leader In Anything

I will be the first to admit: the President’s Race at Nationals Park is nothing more than a cartoony Bill Goldberg gimmick meant to entertain youngsters and crazy senior citizens, but it has taken on a whole new life just because Teddy Roosevelt has NEVER won a race. Thinking about it simply and without any bias or emotion, the idea of it is stupid. It is merely four people dress in bowling pin costumes made up to look like our fore fathers and race a few hundred yards for a cheap crowd pop. To me, if you hate people doing the wave at Nationals Park, then you have to also hate the President’s Race. It has nothing to do with the game.

That being said, I understand why they do it and I accept it as just part of the whole burrito. The whole gimmick hinges on the very idea of Teddy not EVER winning. Once he does, the President’s Race goes kaput. Just ask Bill Goldberg’s wrestling career. Of course, Teddy will be allowed to win eventually, probably after a division title or when Washington is crowned World Series Champions.

Until then, the mystique is intact and it will be further catapulted into the hearts and minds of the nation with the help of segments like these on E:60 on ESPN. You might notice a well known Nationals blogger getting some prime real estate in the piece.

Part of me wants to believe ESPN is finally getting some “Natitude” but another part of me is scratching and telling me ESPN has no idea how to report on the Nats since they aren’t near Bristol or New York and they think this will suffice.

Either way, here you go race fans.

Here Is A Young Lad Showing The Batting Stances Of Nearly All The Nats Starters

I really wanted to post the video of the guy clubbing the baby seals, but my lawyers said it might be in my best interest NOT to do so at this time. They instead pointed me in the direction of a guy who screams at cats (NSFW-ish) and I confess I was in tears for nearly 53 minutes, but screaming at cats has nothing to do with Nationals baseball.

So here is a video of a young kid going through the batting stances of nearly every Nationals starter and I have to say he did a great job. He does the walk up, the stance, the crossing, the flick of the feet and Cobra-ing– everything.

I remember doing stances like these when I was a kid. I usually did something like a Cal Ripken Jr. or an Andy Van Slyke, but the neighborhood all agreed my best stance was the one where the kids picked me up, turned me upside down and put me in a trash can before running off with my baseball, glove, ice cream man money and tennis shoes.

My days of innocence.