This Time Of The Nats Year Is Boring So I Went To A Metal Show

How goes it, Natstown hooligans? I am finally back at the NQ Hunting Lodge after the Thanksgiving holiday and I am strapping in for perhaps what is the most bizarre time of the year. This is the time of the year where some absolutely weird dog named Eire the Wire wins the National Dog Show, then we have Black Friday which is just an annual American ritual of embarrassment and we follow it up with an equally shameful display that we call “The Winter Meetings.”

Yes, get yourself ready: we are a week away from the Winter Meetings where MLB owners, General Managers, players, baseball nerds, “Iwannabeinbaseball” wannabes, bloggers, all grades of degenerates and agents converge on some poor town or city to raise hell, empty bar inventories and tire out the escort services. Along the way, sometimes, they also pick up a deal, trade or player or two. This year they are in Dallas, Texas so you know there will be no survivors.

Pitching and center fielding are the big Nats concerns and it will be the second year in a row GM Mike Rizzo goes into the meetings with the same shopping list. I expect he will be desperate to shop and pick something up to prove he ain’t no sucka and he will, but I am not expecting a deal that will rock the foundations of the MLB– unless he somehow miraculously gets Albert Pujols, but it is going to take a lot of luck and gin to have Rizzo pull that off. Having 29 other baseball teams sucked into a black hole might help as well.

Nothing has been going on. Really, the only thing is Michael Morse is engaged and has engagement photos, some really nice ones too. I particularly like the one where they are about to make out on a set of baseball bleachers. Kind of reminds me of the times I had behind and under similar bleachers– like when I fell off them. Those steel bastards were always tricky to maneuver around and get comfortable.

Of course we could talk about how, apparently, the Nationals had a covert operation to seriously pursue first baseman Prince Fielder, but negotiations hit the fence with a “snag” and the Nats are seeking other options. Or we could talk on how the Pirates might be dumb enough to part with Andrew McCutchen and how Mike Rizzo needs to “jump all over dat ass” if true– but that would be cheating because this sort of news should really be saved for the monstrously, devilish drama that will play out in Dallas next week. It is like department stores playing Christmas music two weeks before Thanksgiving.

Instead here is what I did last night:

So in complete boredom of the season, Dr. W and myself went to the Mastodon show at the 9:30 Club on Sunday night. Above is a Brent Hinds from Mastodon photo taken by Dr. W. Freaking amazing. The opening band, Red Fang, was awesome. The Dillinger Escape Plan was there and sucked, but Mastodon came out for a 20 song set and just blew the roof off the place.

On top of it, we were front row and some girl had her tits pressed against my back for half the show because the crowd was trying to kill me and crush me against the stage barricade. That particular experience has finally convinced me that maybe pink bats and cleats in baseball aren’t such a bad thing after all.

Nationals Want Roy Oswalt To Photobomb For Them reports the Washington Nationals are seriously pursuing free agent starter Roy Oswalt and his photobombing capabilities. The 34-year old weathered starter finished the 2011 season with the Philadelphia Phillies 9-10 with a 3.69 ERA. The Nats see him as a perfect veteran compliment to their stable of young starters in Stephen Strasburg, Jordan Zimmermann and John Lannan.

Yes, he is old and might be losing a step, but that 3.69 ERA and nine wins should be enough to erase the memory of Livan Hernandez as the “vet presence” in the rotation and without all the ball smacking and drug related baggage. And by no means should they give Oswalt the moon, but throw him some money for a year or two while the rotation ripens and some youngsters grow and you won’t have too bad a deal for a place holder that will actually improve your game and chances. Possible back problems might be something to watch, but the Nationals have dealt with worse.

The contract should be incentive laden with things like pull off another epic photobomb and get this amount of money. Pull off another epic photobomb on Davey Johnson get this amount of money and a case of beer. Pull off a photobomb on one of the Lerners, you get a case a beer and stock in the team itself…

I should be a sports agent. I think I’d be good at it.

Drew Storen Knows What Is Going On

Monday was MASN Blogger’s Day where MASNsports invited the creme de la creme of Nationals blogs to come to Nationals Park for a day of going behind the scenes, meeting the personalities that we all have learned to love or hate, sit in the loaded MASN suite for the game and go on the field to take in batting practice.

While snapping some photos of batting practice our guides Jim Buckle and Chad Kurz herded us towards the Nationals dugout telling us there was a possibility that we’d be able to get the chance to talk to closer Drew Storen, freshly not traded to the Minnesota Twins. I jumped on the NQ Android and told the loyal Twitterers that I might be talking with Storen soon and that started a bit of a tizzy that went from, “Make sure you tell him you wanted him traded” to “What a waste of fandom” in the responses.

Thank you all for being excited for me. Your strength gives me strength.

I could be wrong, but I think the bit of negativity stemmed from my latest SB Nation D.C. feature where I voiced the opinion the Nationals once again missed opportunities at the trade deadline by fearing to pull the trigger for various reasons. I won’t go into it again, I linked the article for your enjoyment and loathing, but needless to say I irritated a few people. Nothing new.

But being loyal to my readers and wanting to ask the questions they want to hear, I wanted to at least get some info from the Stanford student. Obviously I was not going to take this rare opportunity, get into Storen’s face and say, “Hi, why are you still here?” So I asked him a revised question that I thought might be on people’s minds and also potentially save my own neck depending on his answer:

Do you feel the least bit betrayed by the fact that your name was in trade rumors?

“I don’t feel any betrayal. No hard feelings. It is a business and people need to understand that. Mike [Rizzo] was in a tough spot. I understand though. No hard feelings at all. Actually, it was sort of flattering because you are like other teams want you and value you. But I don’t feel betrayed at all.”

It is a business and people need to understand that… I do, Drew, I do. Thank you for giving me some form of vindication. I know people love Storen, I know he is a fan favorite, but those type of things just don’t come into play in these type of dealings unless your name is Ripken Jr. or Jeter or if you are fortunate enough to be a Zimmerman, Strasburg or Harper.

And if you think a swap for Storen never would have happened, then think again. According to F.P. Santangelo, MASN’s color analyst, he believes that Nats GM Mike Rizzo had already come to terms with Twins GM Bill Smith for a Storen-Denard Span swap straight up– two to three weeks before the deadline. It was a done deal. It was going to happen. The thing that stopped it according to F.P., was Smith started tacking on players as time went on. When it got to Span for Storen, AND Roger Bernadina, a minor league player and a continuing growing list, that is when the trade went sour.

Whether you believe F.P. or not, it is interesting to think about. Bill Smith was probably still embarrassed at giving up Wilson Ramos in the Matt Capps trade so he went into talks with the Nats probably in hopes of fleecing them back. That shyster knew the Nats were hurting for offense, outfielder, lead-off, etc. so he dangled out Span with the intention of going for more because he’d thought the Nationals would cave. He thought he could play the rich kid bully. The fact he didn’t walk away with the farm is a credit to the Nats FO. Some grapefruits right there.

The grand point of it all is Storen isn’t stupid. He knows what he signed on for and he knows how this game works. I highly doubt he’d even shrug if I did go up to him and tell him I advocated his trading. Heck, I’d go out for a beer with him and tell him then pay his tab because whether you believe it or not, I am glad he is still in Washington.

I’d just treat it as another day at the office.

Thanks for talking with us, Drew.

Add A Little Nats To Your Morning Coffee For An Extra Buzz

So I am up this morning, relatively early and I am snorting my second cup of coffee grinds (my coffee addiction has reached intervention levels) when I suddenly realize that the blog is getting a little cold and neglected. This is usual for this time of year, not yet out of the off season, but on the cusp of Spring Training sort of creates a no-man’s land in the Natosphere. Not a whole lot going on the Nationals frontlines currently. Most of us are occasionally glancing over the trenches while we try and draw pictures of birds waiting for something to break, but there is some word there might be something brewing. Emphasis on the word “might.” Who knows what GM Mike Rizzo and the chimps in his Think Tank are up to. There is just as much a chance they could be in the war room throwing wild, booze-fueled sex parties as they could be compiling data on their next big signing. And why not? The NQ is inclined to have such a party every once in awhile. It breaks the monotony.

However, the big rumor this morning, coming from a couple of other well refined blogs is the Nationals have been sniffing around Cleveland for some deals and outfielder Grady Sizemore and pitcher Fausto Carmona’s names have come out of the rotating hamster wheel of rumor.

Let me be the first to say, I am intrigued by Sizemore. He is an incredible talent. However, his career is tragic in the sense that he never seems to be able to stay healthy. Ankle, elbow, groin, knee- if you can tear it, pull it or break it Sizemore has probably done it. He only played 33 games in 2010 before his season ended in microfracture surgery on his left knee. If the Nationals could get him back to somewhat healthy condition, their centerfield problems might be all but solved. On top of it all, he is a big name player and has some sort of sex appeal that drives my wife absolutely crazy. More chicks at Nationals Park is never a bad thing. Now some are playing the, “Oh he used to be an Expo before he got traded so this will be some sort of Ra-Ra Homecoming for him” card. Stop it. This ridiculousness needs to stop. He never played in DC. Stop reaching for the historical nostalgia juice because that isn’t DC’s drink to drink.

I confess I know little about Fausto other than he was one of the few bright spots on The Tribe last season, he has an absolutely wicked sinker that induces a lot of ground outs and he punched out and bloodied Gary Sheffield in 2008 which automatically makes him awesome in certain circles. Talking with fellow bloggers and fans on the Twitter, he is being painted as an absolutely balls-to-the-wall pitcher but has control issues which can easily rattle him which leads to meltdowns.

Both Sizemore and Carmona sound like sizable reclamation projects that would come at a price: the Nats would probably have to foot the bill on parts of their contracts as well as trade away some pieces- and what pieces do the Nationals really have that they can afford to trade? If it was any other year, I might push to get this deal done because these two loose-cannons are just too intriguing for the gushing fan boy inside myself (and my wife would love to see more Grady), but I think it is well overdue for the Nats to finally get a hold of themselves and build a serious foundation without these sort of projects and second/third/fourth chancers. They need players that can consistently get on the field and play so I’d probably pass on Sizemore (it pains me to say that and I will probably be sleeping on the couch tonight). Carmona I might take a chance on depending on who the Nationals had to give up.

However, it is all rumor for now and I am on my fifth cup of coffee so I am getting jittery and have a powerful urge to drop a deuce. It is about time I end this and hit the outhouse. By the way, I hope you don’t mind the Strasburg banner photo. There is nothing in this post about him, but I know every time I open a blog and see a picture of Strasburg I just feel good.

Happy Tuesday, Natstown.

Adam LaRoche Could Be Helpful To The Nats

The Baltimore Orioles were able to pull in first baseman Derrick Lee today with a one-year deal which leaves free agent first base options for the Nationals one and none. Bill Ladson’s Twitter Feed indicates the Nats have offered first baseman Adam LaRoche a two-year deal. Unconfirmed at the time of this posting. We’ll get things together when things break more.

I can live with Adam LaRoche. I really can’t give the dirt to the guy. He is a regal player and would be helpful to this team– in more ways than one. That is a clip from his Buck Commander hunting video. Yes, he has a hunting video where he blows up deer. Before you roll your eyes into the back of your head in disgust and ask, “How can the Nats hire a deerkiller?” remember Ryan Langerhans also played for the Nats: and he is in this series too.

Venison for everyone if he signs.

Your Nationals Dispatch: The Defrosting Edition

We are finally back in NQ Headquarters after a long holiday. I wish I could say I come back vibrant and refreshed, but that never seems to be the case these days when it comes to holidays. It all seems to be a bunch of running around and draining yourself physically, emotionally and financially. I think I am more addicted to coffee now than before I left. I won’t go into highlights of the holidays, but I will say thank you to the guy who popped shrooms before attending our viewing of Avenue Q off-broadway in New York City. The way you freaked everyone out around you by licking the program– genius. I hope you had a nice trip.

While I am still generally exhausted, my baseball spirit remains strong. Jesus, we are barely over two months away from Spring Training. It will be here before you know it and this year is a pretty big one for the NQ. Can’t wait. It is time for baseball because football sucks, hockey hasn’t entered the playoffs and basketball is fixed and boring. So lets kick back and get a little Nationals baseball news from–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Decisions, Decisions - Several sources, of which I can’t find right now because I am absolutely clutter-brained, but trust me they are true, say that both free agents Adam LaRoche and Derrick Lee are now in the final stages of deciding who they will sign with and all signs are indicating it is between the Baltimore Orioles and Washington Nationals. Neither guy is a stupendous option, but they would be more than welcomed to DC by limo, red carpet and hookers at GM Mike Rizzo’s expense considering he has yet to fulfill his promise to get a top of the line starter or capable first baseman this off season.

Lee and LaRoche have to be asking themselves, “Jesus Simon Christ, what happened to my career? Am I really choosing between the Orioles and Nationals? Seriously? No– really?” Ultimately, both teams are bad, but you’d think the Nationals might be a little more attractive considering they aren’t in the same division as the Yanks, BoSox and Rays. There is actually room for growth in the NL East where the Orioles haven’t left the nest for years which has made a lot of rotten eggs in that organization.

Some Nats Are Winners - While most of us were on holiday, some Nats were getting it done in places I had no idea existed. Right-hander Yunesky Maya was named the 2010 Dominican Winter League Pitcher of the Year, while outfielder Eury Perez was named the DWL Rookie of the Year. Apparently they did good things in the Dominican League.

Congratulations to both players. I recall Maya had a bit of a rough MLB debut and was a bit unimpressive, but of course he basically had just gotten thrown into a Nats jersey after defecting from Cuba. He looked like a guy who had not adjusted to his surroundings at the time. Now that he is a bit more settled maybe he will look a bit more comfortable out on the mound in those crisp new Nats uniforms and I will become a bit more comfortable in pronouncing “Yunesky” on a more consistent basis. We are all in this together.

Good Luck To Hammerin’ Harmon - Former Washington Senator and guy with one of the most awesome last names in baseball ever, Harmon Killebrew revealed via statement on Thursday morning that he has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He tagged his condition as “serious” and this current challenge as “perhaps the most difficult battle of my life”, but Killebrew expects to make a full recovery.

That man oozes confidence in life just as he did on the baseball field. Not many people have such grapefruits to look cancer straight in the eye and say, “I’m going to beat you. Yes, you, cancer, you dirty little bastard. We might have to go all 15 rounds, but I guarantee I will be the one standing at the end.” A tip of the hat to you, Killer. Good luck.

Ronnie Belliard and Dmitri Young Finally Get Praise For Being Fat - CultureMob released a list of the Greatest Fat Baseball Players of All Time and former Nationals Ronnie Belliard made the list and Dmitri Young got mentioned.

Greatest Fat Baseball Players Of All Time… truly, they now have a list for everything.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Your Nationals Dispatch: 5ft Tall Bob Marley Poster Edition

Washington sports can be a horrible and sour mistress. I don’t know what it was about this past week, but if you were a Washington sports fan, then you truly know the meaning of embarrassing despair. Teams like the Cubs, Royals and Pirates have it bad because they are losers. But that is all they do: lose. Washington sports teams lose, but do it in the most shameful fashion that sometimes it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. I don’t care for the Skins, but they can’t even kick standard field goals to tie games. The Caps are on a downward spiral led by their vodka-saturated superstar. John Wall can’t stay healthy for the Wiz and nor can their record. I don’t think D.C. United is even playing right now and that generally just sucks. Not like they are good anymore anyways. Then there are the Nats who, well, you’ll read about that in a second.

So what does one do to combat this depression? Try to go out and buy a 5ft tall Bob Marley poster. Seriously, I promise it will make you feel better. It did for me. I can’t even get this thing in my car, but I am happy to report it is mine. I am also happy to report it is time for–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

The Winter Meetings Summed Up - Failure. All in one word, that describes the Nationals at the Winter Meetings. I’m not sure what the purpose of Mike Rizzo being in Orlando was. Maybe it was to hang out with old friends and drink cocktails. Maybe he wanted to ride Space Mountain. Whatever the reason he was there  if he honestly  had the gusto and backing to improve the team, he failed at it. At least in Orlando. None of Washington’s targeted needs were met. The team is still without a first baseman and top-of-the-line starter. Other than completely overpaying for Jayson Werth and keeping the team’s name in dispatches from Orlando by playing like they were ever in play for pitcher Cliff Lee, Florida was an absolute disappointing bust. The off season isn’t over yet and the Nats will sign someone, but once again they will be scrapping from the bottom of the barrel. They had such momentum and the benefit of stealth going into the Winter Meetings too. What a bust. One team exec at one point called the Nationals “the North Korea of the Winter Meetings.”

Some might beam with pride with that comparison, but I always thought North Korea was closed off, not in touch with the rest of the world, and led by a creepy little cosmonaut. Actually, never mind. That fits perfectly. Good job, baseball exec.

Cliff Lee Has Forsaken The Nats – As if there was ever a chance, the Nationals officially announce they are no longer being considered as a possible landing spot for free agent pitcher Cliff Lee. Early last week, for 20 minutes, Natstown was abuzz with the possibility of pulling Lee in, but quickly we were reminded of the one fact that always works against the Washington Nationals: they are the Washington Nationals. Not that the Nats shouldn’t go after the big boys, but the fact the team is in complete disarray and hasn’t moved in the standings since forever, I can understand why big name free agents either laugh at the possibility or use the Nats to build a better deal somewhere else. What is disgusting about the whole situation is perfectly summed up by the folks at Deadspin:

So Boston perhaps becomes the favorites in the division, if not all of baseball (though Crawford’s SB numbers might go down without his being able to run on Sox catchers anymore). Cliff Lee probably gets Sabathia money, probably from Sabathia’s team. And the rest of the GMs get to fight it out over the Yankees’ and Red Sox’s scraps. Same as it ever was.

That is depressing literature. I thought about going to read the Bible to lift my spirits, but someone told me that book is equally depressing. I guess it is Playboy in the bathroom for me.

Brandon Webb Will Work For Food - Not sure why stories like these are posted on because they are really not stories, but puff pieces probably meant to give the fan base a glimmer of hope, but Brandon Webb said he is still excited about the idea of possibly pitching for the Nats. Hooray! Webb might be the best shot the Nats have at landing a “top starter”, but Webb would be a project considering he hasn’t pitched in a Major League game for almost two years. More good news.

I guess if Webb is fair game the Nats should consider calling up Eddie Harris. Harris hasn’t pitched in a real or movie Major League game for almost 21 years. I bet he is itching to hit the bump again and has plenty of snot built up to rub on the ball.

All This Blog Wants For Christmas – Is a few good donations.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Your Nationals Dispatch: Hot Chicks On Big Screen Edition

Happy post-Thanksgiving greetings, Natstown. The NQ hopes your holiday was as fun as ours, but not too much more fun because then we’d be jealous and jealously leads to rage, rage to anger, anger to hatred, hatred to suffering and all that Yoda jazz. Our turkey was juicy. That is all I am saying.

And that is pretty much all I can say. Not much going on baseball wise in Washington and when that happens you have to rely on other tricks of the trade to draw attention and really, nothing works better than hot chicks on a big screen. “Run to third, run to third!” Yeah, I’ll run to third base alright and then take it all the way home, baby! I have no idea why I have this picture, but it should bring in a few extra hits from the more decadent parts of Natstown. Fitting considering coming also from that part of town is–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Is Anyone Really Surprised? - The Nats have taken free agent pitcher Javier Vazquez off their radar because of a slight case of “He signed somewhere else.” With the Florida Marlins to be more precise. It is unknown what sort of offer, if any, the Nats had on the table for Vazquez.

I love how the Nats are trying to play this off as “he isn’t on our radar anymore.” Of course he isn’t. He signed somewhere else! How much more off the radar do you need to be? While the Nats were looking at a radar, an NL East rival was actually doing something. Yet another rival shores themselves up and digs in on the high ground while the Nats continue to sit on their hands. It isn’t like Vazquez was going to turn the tide for the Nats, but I don’t know if Mike Rizzo and the Think Tank have noticed, but other than move around minor league fodder they have done NOTHING to really improve on the 2010 team. I’m sure they’ll eventually pull moves, but it won’t be until later in the off season and a little too late to be true moves of substance. That is what happens when you play Pong on radar screens all day while others are in the sandlot getting dirty.

Brandon Webb Might Work For Food - During the Dec. 6th Winter Meetings, the Nationals will try to woo pitcher Brandon Webb who hasn’t pitched in a Major League game since 2008 due to shoulder injuries. The Nats believe Webb will let them into the room and listen to them without laughing due to the fact Mike Rizzo drafted Webb in the 2000 First-Year Player Draft when Rizzo was director of scouting with the D-backs, and Phil Rizzo, the senior adviser to the general manager.

Webb sounds like the typical Nationals used car. Coming off injury, but has potential, Nats sign, get three or four half-assed games out of him before he goes on the DL on and off for the rest of the season– are the Nats stuck in some sort of nightmarish Twilight Zone timeline or something? It sounds like we’ve been here before. I wonder if the team knows they are allowed to go after healthy pitchers just like everyone else?

Ian Desmond’s Baseball Card Is Serious Business - It isn’t the worst baseball card I have ever seen, but I can’t say that image of Desmond is the most flattering. That look on his face is all business. Also, do you notice the semi-jersey fail?

He needs to sit back, relax and enjoy hot chicks on a big screen.

Nationals Inquisition v.2 - The Nationals Inquisition is in the process of upgrading and redesigning the site. Yes, after three years we are finally going to give the ole’ blog a face lift. We are still in the pre-design stages and are taking any sort of feedback on what you would like to see more or less or added or subtracted from the blog. We have already got plenty of suggestions for an improved comment system, a better standings widget and more hot chicks on big screen. Let us know what you want. Look for the launch sometime at the end of this year or early 2011.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

UPDATE: This bit of news just came in as we were posting. The Nationals News Department has an incredible sense of timing. Nats PR:

The Washington Nationals today named Bob Schaefer Special Assistant to the General Manager. Nationals Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations and General Manager Mike Rizzo made the announcement.Schaefer, 66, adds 30 seasons of professional experience to Mike Rizzo’s brain trust. He joins the Nationals after serving as Joe Torre’s bench coach with the Dodgers the previous three seasons (2008-10), the first two of which resulted in berths in the National League Championship Series (2008, 2009).

Schaefer has spent much of the last twenty seasons in either a special assistant to the GM role (2006 Braves under John Schuerholz, 1999-2001 Orioles) or as a big league bench coach (2008-10 Dodgers; 2007 Athletics; 1991, 2002-05 Royals). He twice skippered Kansas City in an interim capacity (1991, 2005).

Somewhere Stan Kasten Is Crying

The NQ took the weekend off to go camping, but somehow we were able to keep up with playoff baseball in the wilderness which, when you think about it, doesn’t really matter since the Nationals aren’t in it, but baseball is baseball. Plus we wanted to see if Tim Lincecum and the Giants could knock off the Stan Kasten Philadelphia Phillies. Low and behold– they did!

Karma meet the Phillies, Phillies meet Karma. Karma can be a real bitch.

Now some of you might feel it is bad taste kicking a team in the nuts right after they had an epic meltdown that prevented them from competing for the prize in the October Classic, but  you are weird and this is the Philadelphia Phillies we are talking about here and that collection of douchebags and their fans deserve everything that is coming to them. Admittedly, they probably had the most powerful team in the NL this year, but like most things that come from Philly, they blew it. There should not be one, single Nationals fan feeling any pity for them. In fact, we should all be consumed by elation and happiness. After the Stan Kasten sleepovers, the puking, the tasering, and Chase Utley the Baseball Gods had enough. Their vengeance came at the perfect time. It was beautiful.

Now I get to listen to the only sports radio channel that comes in on the mountain tonight (Fox Sports, ugh) and hear that shameless Philly homer Tony Bruno (Into the Night with Tony Bruno) sulk and make up excuses. It will be some icing on the big fail cake.

What? Nationals? Oh, alright. I guess I better put something up here that is Nationals related. This is the Nationals Inquisition after all and not the Chocolate Starfish Watch.

–In Brief Relief

Javier Vazquez Will Work For Food - Yankee pitcher Javier Vazquez will be a free agent after the World Series and is looking to pitch with a team on the East Coast– even the Nationals. In 2010 Vazquez went 10-10 with a 5.32 ERA. He is a 13-year veteran that has gone 152-149 with a 4.26 ERA and 2,374 strikeouts in his career. He played for the Expos from 1998 to 2003 before he was traded to the Yankees for Nick Johnson. Vazquez wants to pitch on the East Coast so he might be closer to family who live in Puerto Rico. He also might be mentally unstable and desperate. Why do we say that? Simple: he would want to pitch for the Nationals.

The Phillies Failed - Yes, yes they did and it was wonderful. Stan Kasten is crying somewhere for his fallen friends.

Nats Might Be Zaching Off

It has been a couple days since we last posted, but sue me. Nothing has been going on in Natstown. Well, nothing of substance. So of course when I get a file on my desk and a picture of a babe in bikini what do I do? Immediately hit the NQ of course! and report the Nationals are probably a long shot at reeling in Cliff Lee during the off season (are we still on that? Please.), but with the right package of “high ceilinged” [sic] prospects they might be able to land Kansas City Royals pitcher Zack Greinke.

Greinke was 10-14 with a 4.17 ERA in 2010 for the Royals. His best season was in 2009 when he posted a 16-8 record with a 2.16 ERA. Looking at the rest of his stats, 2009 looked like it was a freakshow compared to the rest of his decent, but average career. Greinke is probably more known for having psychological problems and missing time in 2006 for social anxiety disorder and depression.

Oh boy, another possible misfit to add to the National Collection of Misfits in Washington D.C. I say possible because it looks like he might be through all that and if so, good for him. But as a Nats fan part of you has to be screaming at the team, if not silently: “Can’t we go after players that have their junk together?”

The question is assuming who they give up and the Greinke they get in return even out, do you really want to take the chance? The answer is “yes” for two reasons. Number one, even at his worst and in a straight jacket, Zach Greinke is better than most Nationals pitchers right now. Number two, Greinke is married to Miss Daytona Beach USA 2008 Emily Kuchar! She is a former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, but I think we can look past that.

Can you imagine if this deal gets done? The Nats will get a starting pitcher AND Emily Kuchar will be walking around Nationals Park– hopefully wearing what she is wearing in that banner pic.

It would be like getting two for the price of one! SCHWING!

(Photo from