Nationals Inquisition

I came into NQ Headquarters today and realized there are only 25 more days of Nationals baseball in the 2010 campaign. The team punches their ticket out on Oct. 3rd against Team Choke East in New York.

So we’ve come to the part of the program where we cut loose and dive into the ridiculous. There isn’t much else we can do. The season is yet another bust and the Nats are doing nothing, but battling to not lose 100 games and play spoiler. Maybe I am the only one, but I find that utterly boring. So while other blogs will analyze statistical data and blah about “how hard the Nats battled and are better than their record admits,” the NQ is going to attempt to make things interesting by giving the team purpose again.

The Nationals lost to Team Choke East last night 4-1 on the pitching performance of nervous newcomer Yunesky Maya who gave up four runs on five hits in five innings of work. The runs were given up in the first two innings, afterwards Maya seemed to adjust and settle. Willie Harris had a solo homerun and Danny Espinosa had a sick grab in the field to deny Carlos Beltran first base.

Yesterday’s loss ended the Nats modest three-game win streak. It is baffling that this team can’t get any sort of win streak over three games going. It is almost like they run out of gas or can’t deal with the pressure and excitement of preserving a positive stretch of games. Needless to say, a team who can’t string wins together is destined to not go anywhere. Maybe they lack motivation to get over that three game hump. That is Manager Jim’s job (say hi, Jim).

So in an effort to motivate, the NQ is going to give the Nats a chance to get back at us for another year of craptastical blogging and opinion. All season we’ve been guessing that Manager Jim Riggleman probably has a bottle of whiskey in his desk drawer (we tag him as a Jim Beam Man) that he uses to take the edge off losing. Well, we think the power of alcohol can be used in case of winning.  If the Nats can string together four wins in a row by the final out on Oct. 3rd, I will tape myself attempting to down a 40 oz. bottle of malt liquor in 10 minutes.

This isn’t anything completely mind blowing or original, but the key word is “attempt” considering the last time I had a 40 oz. Colt 45 I ended up in a field in the middle of the night with a coyote hunter. So you can imagine me on camera talking Nats and downing a 40 oz. bomb. It will be either the most awesome video attempt ever made or a complete and epic fail which everyone can laugh at.

So, the deal is on the table, Nats. Four wins equals 40 ounces of punishment.

The NQ is back at our mountain headquarters after a nice Labor Day holiday in Pittsburgh. Good times were had by all, especially the Nats who came out of the Burgh with two wins over the home team Pirates. Pittsburgh is an incredible sports town, just incredible. It is one of the only places I know of where you can get a team jersey in Mossy Oak.

Just before we left yesterday, I picked up a copy of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette and right smack dab on the front page was a wonderful article on the how the Pirates just got done honoring legendary second baseman Bill Mazeroski with a statue that will permanently sit at PNC Park along with other immortals like Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargell (The Bucs do their statues right. Wonderful pieces without looking like multi-armed mutants.) Though remembered most for his 1960 World Series heroics, Maz was an incredible second baseman that ate everything up that came near him. Lord, how I wish the Nationals would one day have a second baseman like that.

Perhaps they already have.

Though he filled in at shortstop yesterday, rookie second baseman Danny Espinosa made his case for maybe one day scoring a statue of his own at Nationals Park by going 4 for 5 with two homeruns (one a grand slam) and knocking in six runs in the Nationals 13-3 route of Team Choke East. Espinosa also had some nice defensive plays which earned him the love of the Natstown faithful, the Silver Elvis wig and a whipped cream pie to the face from John Lannan. It was Espinosa’s Nationals Park debut.

“I’m so happy. All of my teammates are behind me and happy for me. I had a great time,” Espinosa said. “I was trying to see good pitches up [in the strike zone], and I got couple of pitches up that I was able to drive. It went my way today.”

Hopefully the Nats hitch a ride with Espinosa because where ever he is going, it is the right way. The kid is 9-for-16 (.562) with three home runs and 10 RBIs since being called up from Triple-A Syracuse last Wednesday. Quite the start to a big league career.

“I try not to think too much of it,” Espinosa said about his success in the Major Leagues. “I just go out there and play hard every day. To have this kind of start is an unbelievable feeling. All the emotions are going through me. It’s crazy.”

And it is crazy to get carried away too early over these numbers and this kid. But then again, it is crazy not to because Espinosa has that rookie with a bat of gold-thing going for him and his youthful energy, everyday nice-guy smile and the general kid-in-a-candy-store attitude is infectious. You WANT to cheer for him. He is becoming the feel good story at the tail end of yet another dismal season and a piece of great, gleaming hope that next year will truly be better.

Comparing Danny Espinosa to Bill Mazeroski at this juncture is pure insanity and it just can’t be seen– but a Danny Espinosa Mossy Oak jersey?

That might not be too far off in the future.

–In Brief Relief

Knock’em, Rock’em, Sock’em - The Nationals have scored 35 runs in the last four games while allowing opponents to score only 14. What have they been putting in their Wheaties lately?

Wee Willie Wall Harris - Outfielder Willie Harris is listed day-to-day after hitting the right-field fence hard on a double by Chris Carter during yesterday’s game. Harris remained on the ground after impact for a few minutes and was slightly dizz. The team will be monitoring him, but not the outfield wall who was quoted saying, “Ouch, that hurt!”

Maya Pitch Long And Prosper - Pitcher Yuneski Maya will have his Nationals debut tonight. The Cuban defector will go against another rookie first-timer, Dillon Gee of Team Choke East. “Ma-ya Pitch Long and Prosper.” Get it? It is a Star Trek reference. You do get it? Ha, you are a nerd.

Believe it or not, the fireworks at PNC Park ended only about 10 minutes ago.

No, not the fireworks from the Nats bats who cannon-balled the Pittsburgh Pirate pitching corps into submission during tonight’s 9-2 victory. It was the fireworks that accompanied the post-game Luke Bryan concert. Who you say? I don’t know. Some country singer who sounds like all the rest, but apparently his girlfriend gets “frisky with whiskey” when it rains. Whatever. PNC put on an epic fireworks display that lasted nearly an hour.

The Nationals put on an epic 15-hit game without the services of Adam Dunn that was highlighted– holy sh*t, they are still firing off some fireworks at 12:05am, I can still hear them a mile away from the stadium– by a Pudge Rodriguez 2-run homerun and plenty of small ball. John Lannan pitched a superb seven innings of five hit, one run baseball with seven strikeouts. Lots of Nationals fans in attendance tonight, a lot of the blogs had reps there and I met and saw a couple. We also attempted to Tweet from the game, but that failed miserably because my fingers are like German sausages trying to type on the iPhone and use Tweetdeck and the battery died way too quickly. We’ll work on it and get our technology right in the future.

Not much to really say about this game other than it was a dominating performance from a core of youngsters and some names most don’t even know. Looking at tonight’s line up you got the sense the Nats might be in for a long night. Absolutely little to no power hitters. Michael Morse was in the clean up spot as Adam Dunn nursed a sore hamstring. Do you think teams really fear guys like Desmond, Bernadina, Maxwell and the like? But these kids played hard and battled hard. The Bucs really gave little threat to the Nats except for an Andrew McCutchen homerun in the fifth-inning. Man, I would love to have McCutchen on the Nats. Potential oozes from every pore on that guy’s body. Danny Espinosa went 2 for 5 and continued to impress. It will be only a matter of time before #18 starts selling some t-shirts.

Nyjer Morgan once again made his grand return to his former city and team. During the announcement of the line-ups, Morgan actually got a few cheers from the visiting Natstown faithful. However, when he actually took the field, that was another matter and Pittsburgh jeered. Morgan went 2 for 5, including another near collision with catcher Chris Snyder. However, Morgan slid this time and got tangled up in Snyder’s legs for an easy out. Morgan looked to be wincing in a little bit of pain and took a moment to get to his feet, but he stayed in the game without further incident. No fan interaction, except at the end of the game when he was walking back into the dugout and the Nats fans standing above yelled and cheered his name. He gave a quick grin and pointed acknowledgment before disappearing into the dugout.

It was a good night in Pittsburgh for everyone except Pirate fans. They got one hell of a fireworks display, a country concert and earlier in the day was a Rib Festival at Heinz Field and a Bret Michaels concert. I actually passed Bret Michael’s tour bus which has a huge decal of him standing with no shirt on. Got to give it to any man who has the balls to advertise his sexual ego like that. Once again Pittsburgh has been a fine host. Truly, this town is a sports mecca. Yes, unfortunately more than D.C. too. D.C. is never going to have the feeling or tradition of a town like Pittsburgh until its sports teams start bringing home championships. It is sad, but it is a fact. If the Pirates ever win again, they have a loyal fanbase that is going to charge the team for years to come. Hopefully the Nats will be like that too.

Signing off from Pittsburgh. Great win tonight. Go Nats!

Believe it or not I am writing this in a vehicle in route to Pittsburgh for tonight’s game thanks to a Sprint Smartview card. Wonderful piece of tech. A combination of last night’s game and the amount of potholes we are hitting are making me sick while trying to concentrate on blogging so I am going to keep this brief in some bullet points again. Just some thoughts as we enter the Land of Clemente and Stargell:

• Nationals lose to the Pirates last night by the score of 8-5. Another case of scoring a little too little a little too late. Livan Hernandez thanked the Nationals and their fans for giving him a job for one more year by barely pitching four innings and giving up eight runs on eight hits. He also started growing an atrociously groomed goatee. I guess that is one thing to look forward to in 2011: seeing how wild that Livan facial hair will get.
• Suspensions were handed down before the game for the Nats/Goldfish brawl the other night. Third base coach Pat Listach gets three days, manager Jim Riggleman gets two days and centerfielder Nyjer Morgan gets the max of eight days. It is all bullcrap considering the bush league play of the Fish. It is ridiculous to believe these suspensions (and fines, they all got them) were given just based on what happened Wednesday night. A little too extreme. Frankly, with the media acting like a bunch of savage jackals, I think the MLB overreacted based on the media witch hunt for Morgan and the Nats. Morgan isn’t a bad guy. Just a victim of circumstance and bad comic book writing.
• It is still way too early to tell, but the glimpses have been great: Danny Espinosa hit his first Major League homerun last night and went 2 for 4 with two RBI. Truly, the Nats could finally have their second baseman of the future. The future is now. Since being called up only days ago, Espinosa has been refreshing to watch. He seems so energetic and excited to be in Nats uniform finally. A lot different from all the Vidros, Spiveys, Lopezs, Guzmans and Kennedys the Nats have been running through the grinder over the past few years.
• Reports say there were a lot of Nats fans in attendance last night. Reports are saying there will be even more tonight, including several of the major Nats blogs having representatives in attendance. Nats Park Northwest. That sounds pretty good.
• The NQ will be trying to Twitter from the game tonight. I still don’t get this Twitter thing, but maybe you do and maybe you’d like to join us for a baseball game on the Twit. If you’d like to and haven’t already, follow the Nationals Inquisition on Twitter. It will make all your wildest dreams come true.

Alright. I am going to barf. See you all in Pittsburgh.

So…where to begin.

I guess lets get the non-important events of last night’s game out of the way first. The Nationals lost to the Florida Marlins, again, by the score of 16-10. Pitcher Scott Olsen got absolutely rocked. Though a comeback was somewhat mounted, the game was over before the fourth inning. This was not a fun one.

Okay, non-important stuff is over. Now it is time to dive into the meat of this thing and again– where to begin?

The backstory is pretty well known. Centerfielder Nyjer Morgan has been getting into some trouble lately as well as taking a few knocks from the press and fans he doesn’t really deserve. Most notably bowling over some no-name Marlins catcher named Brett Hayes who now has a dislocated shoulder. Morgan’s collision was hard, but not dirty. Welcome to baseball, Mr. Hayes. But of course, like the geriatric side of Florida, the Marlins were a bit steamed and started to crap their jocks for no particular reason other than to defend one man’s pride at getting put on his face by the one and only Nyjer Morgan. So last night, retaliation was inevitable and expected.

It came in the fourth-inning with Morgan at the plate and Nats down 15-3. Fish pitcher Chris Volstad plugged Morgan with a pitch. Morgan simply tossed the bat and took his base. Okay, all is well. That should have been the end of it, but this is when it suddenly gets dicey. Morgan ends up stealing second and then third. This somehow in some really deranged baseball minds is a sign that Morgan is a thug and needs to be taught a further lesson. So Volstad, purposefully or not, plugs two more Nats before seeing Morgan again in the sixth. Morgan comes up to bat and Volstad throws an obvious ball right behind Morgan.

Morgan spikes his bat and charges Volstad. Nyjer gets a good lick on Volstad before Gaby Sanchez nails him with a cheap clothesline and the rest of the goldfish pile on one guy. Stay classy, Fish. What followed is what Bill Ladson called a “fracas.” You can see this fracas here.

I’ve spent the past hour or so going through a good amount of video and recaps from both sides of this issue and various opinions and I have come up with my own. But there is so much to go over and it is so early in the morning, I can only think in bullet points so here are my thoughts in bullet points:

• I can see no reason why the Marlins shouldn’t take majority if not all blame for the “fracas” last night. They potentially retaliated for the Hayes incident at least three times before the sixth-inning by hitting Morgan and two other Nationals with pitches. Why was that needed? The Marlins had a near 15-run lead. When is enough enough for the Fish? Morgan took one blow and that is expected. Two blows and something needed to be done. Chris Volstad exposed himself as a punk.
• Nyjer Morgan stole two bases in the fourth and there are Nats fans complaining about this? The Fish are whining like sissies about the “integrity of the game” because he did what he is supposed to do? What? Was Morgan supposed to just give up in a 15-run game? Please. Are the Nats going to fire Morgan now for doing his job too? That seems to be happening a lot in Natstown these days.
• The Marlins announcers are complete nit-wits. They tried to justify the Marlins ridiculous actions by saying there is “a professional way to hit a batter.” Yeah. It’s called not doing it or at least not doing it twice. Then they said the MLB is going to fall short if they don’t do something about Nyjer Morgan like he is some major problem, like a Hanson Brother or something. I wish Nyjer would have gone up to the Florida booth and socked them in the mouth.
• Nyjer needs to cut the reaction to the fans. The throwing up the hands in victory after a fight, the cussing, the ball tossing– really it is the only thing I can ding him on. If he wants to cuss and yell at the fans, do it into your glove, not on camera and Youtube. That is embarrassing to Natstown.
• I expect Morgan will get some sort of suspension for this and for the ball throwing incident. However, I can already see on some blogs and message boards there is a growing anti-Morgan sentiment and these people are already calling for his job. DO NOT FIRE NYJER MORGAN BASED OFF THESE EVENTS. If you want to fire him, send him packing based on field play, not some fracas that was instigated by a wussy baseball team that plays in a swamp. The Nats do not need the negative PR for being a team that ditches its personnel when the going gets rough.
• Morgan will be punished and probably a bit harshly by the MLB. I guarantee if Morgan was a Yankee or any one of ESPN’s meal tickets he would just get a couple games off and a slap on the wrist. But since he is a member of the “lowly Nationals” I am betting he will get something a little more extreme.

So this is what the 2010 season has turned into. A bunch of tabloid fodder. If I knew doing a baseball blog would be like this I would have just done another celebrity paparazzi blog where I write about Lindsey Lohan’s panties all day. If the Nats hadn’t hit absolute rock bottom already, they did last night.

I guess firing Rob Dibble didn’t help out as much as some hoped.

The Nationals lost a tough one in 10-innings last night to the Florida Marlins 1-0. Jordan Zimmermann is back. He pitched six delicious innings of no run ball with nine strikeouts and no outs. Really, a great pitching performance the team really needed. Too bad Drew Storen couldn’t hold it together and got tagged with the loss later on.

You would think Zimmermann’s performance would be the centerpiece of Nationals blogs everywhere this morning, but of course it’s not. Writing about the Nationals these days is like writing a 500-word sample to get a job at one of the grocery store tabloids. You can’t make half of this stuff up.

Centerfielder Nyjer Morgan is once again caught in the middle of controversy as in the top of the 10th he rounded third to try and score on what he thought was going to be a double play ball, but Fish shortstop Hanley Ramirez threw home instead and Morgan collided with catcher Brett Hayes (who?). Hayes held onto the ball and recorded the out, but doubled over on the ground injured as Morgan strolled back to the dugout to get himself a drink of water.

Of course, there is a stink now. Smells like fish, but it is a stink all the same. Some say Morgan did it intentionally to hurt someone (he did not slide, he collided like an atom smasher), but Morgan says he did it to not hurt someone. Mainly himself:

“I think if I tried to slide there, I probably would have hurt myself,” [said Morgan].

He is possibly right. Watching the replay 10 times, you can see if he slid into Hayes he would have broken his knees and probably Hayes’ too. So in essence, he did right in this blog’s opinion. Brett Hayes, whoever that is, is just being a big puss. It sucks he got injured, but it happens in baseball games. Colliding with the catcher is one of the most horrifying, yet epic events in baseball. It is like seeing a bloody car crash, but being unable to turn away. You don’t want to see anyone hurt, but you want to see that train wreck like a mamba-jamba.

“Obviously his track record doesn’t help himself,” Hayes said. “Somebody who does that is looking to hurt somebody.”

Stop being a puss, Hayes. He railroaded you. You got bowled over by Nyjer Morgan. Your pride is hurt, but you got the out. Get well and get over it. But he does bring up something interesting. Nyjer’s recent “track record.” He just doesn’t seem like the fun, life-loving National that we were introduced to late last season. He seems to be pushing. Pushing hard to prove something and it is beginning to effect that whole Nyjer Morgan aura (Did I just say “aura?” Damn it, Manager Jim!).

We’ve gone from an exciting, fun-loving Tony Plush to a freaking out, Phillies fan pelting, elbow throwing, home-base missing, catcher-colliding– Elijah Dukes.

Now I know Nyjer isn’t as bad as that. Nyjer has been making some mistakes and they are getting pointed out a lot more frequently now than before. A lot of this might be yet another media/fan witch-hunt where there is a lot of misdirected anger towards a small problem (Nyjer, Rob Dibble) that isn’t concentrating on the bigger problem (this team isn’t good, they are far from it). But whatever the case, there is this unique Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing that is playing out before our eyes with Nyjer Morgan. At times he still brings that fresh, Plushlicious excitement and energy to the team, but at the same time it seems like the team has to deal with a darker, more sinister Plush who is going down a back alley of Natstown few want to travel.

Keep your cool, Nyjer. Calm it down a notch, find your center again. Find Tony Plush. That guy is one suave cat. The guy we have been seeing recently isn’t that cool. He is actually sort of punk-ish like a Lastings Milledge and no one likes him anymore.

Be like a cool blog, like the recently retired Nationals Farm Authority. Don’t be like a punk blog like the NQ.

No one likes us anymore.

UPDATE - The Nyjer Meltdown continues– the D.C. Sports Bog has video of Nyjer cussing out a Fish fan last night during the game. You actually don’t hear anything, but you can make some guesses at what those lips were throwing down. Not a real big deal, what player doesn’t do this? Most cover their faces with their glove, but where is the Plush style in that? Regardless, this will probably help lead to an anti-Nyjer campaign. Oh joy.

If you are looking for a blog post this morning that doesn’t mention the movie The Natural, then you have come to the wrong blog because The Natural happens to be one of our favorite baseball movies and the comparisons between it and last night’s 9-3 Nats victory in Florida are just too easy.

And this blog is easy.

Ryan Zimmerman and Adam “Wonderboy” Dunn both smacked 3-run homers and Jason Marquis got his first win of 2010 (finally). Zimmerman’s third-inning blast just missed the left-field upper deck, but it smacked the scoreboard in between and took out a chunk of lights underneath in a shower of sparks that caused the cheap, polyester uniforms of some Florida little leaguers to catch fire and try out Stop-Drop-And-Roll. Take that you little Florida swamp rats.

Actually no, there were no sparks and no flaming Tater Tots, but the dinger did take out part of the digital Sun Life Stadium display. It took out the “M” in stadium. “M” is for “The Man” and Zimmerman is “The Man.” One can’t help but think of this scene from The Natural. Zimmerman didn’t have some chunky-chunk kid hand him a homemade bat and the game was as meaningless as a Jim Bowden speech, but what the heck. At this point of 2010 you need to wring as much pleasure as you can out of these games.

One thing is for sure: it was a hell of a way to make it known the Nats are now on a three game win streak. Jesus, those are rare with this team. Is it too much to ask they stretch it to four? Maybe five if we are super lucky? I am going to go find a leprechaun to rub all over my body. Plus, I am still listening to The Nuge and it seems to be still working.

Go Nuge! Go Nats!

After the Nats Friday From Hell where they both lost Stephen Strasburg and the game, the mood in the NQ was a bit down and sour. To remedy this, I put the staff and myself on a strict diet of red meat and Ted Nugent. We spent the weekend listening to nothing, but Ted Nugent and partaking in Ted Nugent-like activities.

It worked.

The Nationals won the final two games of their series with the Cardinals. We’ll ride this while it lasts. Until further notice, the NQ will have nothing but Ted Nugent revved up on the stereo and will shoot every living animal from squirrel to hippos with a compound bow. You don’t have to be that extreme, but it might help if you did. If not, you can always just read–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Nats Going To Roll The Dice On Livan - The Nationals have given starter Livan “Orville Redenbacher” Hernandez a one-year extension. Livan who has gone 9-9 with a 3.49 ERA in a remarkable career year will be with the team through 2011.

This seems like the typical Nats gamble that has the possible typical, usual Nats payoff: it will blow up in their faces. Seriously, there is no way this 34 37 46?-year old will have back-to-back 2010 seasons. There just isn’t any way unless he is a complete freak of nature. Which might be cool because straights are scared of freaks and the Nats would finally have something scary up on the mound.

Dibblegate Continues - Color-Analyst Rob Dibble still has yet to return to his job in the MASN booth after making harsh comments about Stephen Strasburg not playing through injury. It is now known Strasburg needs Tommy John surgery so that basically put the ears and tail of a jackass on Dibble who has been on MASN/team granted “vacation” since late last week. There is no timetable for his return.

It kind of sucks because Phil Wood is doing pre-game activities and he just isn’t that interesting and Ray Knight has taken over Dibble’s place in the booth and gives some terrific insight, but sometimes he sounds like he is sucking on a helium balloon and that can get annoying pretty fast. At this point, we’d be surprised if Dibble keeps his job or even wants it, although he should. Dibblegate continues to take up way too much room on the blogs and with it looking like he might be about out the door, maybe they can finally declare victory in their own minds and get back to the job at hand and write about the Nats. It is the Natosphere after all and not the Dibbleverse. I am curious to know if Dibble is fired at their demand, how many more wins  do they think that is going seriously translate into for the Nats?

Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan – Well if he isn’t throwing strange tantrums in the outfield during a live-play or throwing balls at Phillies fans, somehow Nyjer Morgan continues to keep himself in the Nats headlines. Most recently: called out after missing home plate and bumping Cards catcher Bryan Anderson. Manager Jim Riggleman said it was “totally inexcusable” and apologized to the Cardinals.

Watch the play. Why is Manager Jim apologizing? Yeah, Morgan made a dumb move by missing homeplate, but that bump hardly looked full of intentional malice. Ridiculous. If there should be any apologizing being done it should be Ray Knight to the fans for throwing out that “he stepped on the face mask” call. That was plain stupid. Is the team really having that much trouble filling a silly color-analyst role in the booth? Too bad Bob Ross isn’t still alive and up for the job. He could paint clouds as Bob Carpenter forgets who we got for Alfonso $oriano.

The NQ Goes To Clemente Country – Just a heads up: this weekend the NQ will be traveling to Pittsburgh to catch a Nats game at PNC Park. Be ready for some postings from the Land of Clemente and Black and Gold. It should sadly be a good game. I say sadly because the Nationals should absolutely cream the Bucs, but we all know they won’t and it will be an ordeal to get a Curly W. But we’ll be there, catching all the action– and hopefully buy a Roberto Clemente t-shirt–

– and hopefully kick Cindy Crysby in the balls.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Well, the Nats won and all last night, but it is hard to be positive about anything in Natstown after this morning’s Strasburg news.

The Nationals held a conference call with over 50 media outlets and bloggers to inform the world that pitcher Stephen Strasburg has a torn elbow ligament and will require Tommy John Surgery, a surgery that has been known to keep players out for at least a year (see Jordan Zimmermann). Strasburg knew about his situation last night, but did not want to announce anything in respect to Bryce Harper who was introduced at Nats Park. Also as a side note, the conference call was horribly distorted making it sound like Soundwave from the Transformers was talking and at one point I could have sworn someone said “Penis Strasburg” through the audio, digital fog.

The sports world is abuzz with this news already so I am sure this isn’t the first you’ve heard of it. But man, no matter how many times you hear about it, it sucks. What kind of luck does this team have? Jesus Christ. What a horrible blow to the franchise. Five years of losing, embarrassing moment after embarrassing moment and then this. The first thing that comes to mind in the fragile mind of Natstown is, what does this mean?

No. Scratch that. I can surf around the Natosphere and see the first thing on some people’s minds is Rob Dibble still. Great job. That solves everything.

The second thing Natstown is thinking about: what does this mean? It means the Nationals might be without their ace and largest drawing card for a full year. It means 2011 will be just like 2010, a clustermonkey’s whack-off session. It means the rest of the MLB will be snickering and rolling their eyes at the mere mention of “Washington Nationals.” It means pretty much the same old same old Washington Nationals.

It is hard to wrap one’s mind around this. It really is. Or at least mine. Not because I don’t understand “Stephen Strasburg is going to have Tommy John surgery this early in his career,” but because I don’t think my brain can wrap around anything because it really isn’t made of flexible material like that. Plus it is so huge I can shrink wrap a car with it so that would be overkill on my part.

Stephen Strasburg going under the knife– Jesus, what else can you say? What else can you do, but suffer this team? I guess this is what being a Nationals fan is all about– what that is, I am not sure but I will post it as soon as I figure out. But man this sucks.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Nationals beat the St. Louis Cardinals last night in 13-innings thanks to an Ian Desmond walk-off RBI single, 11-10.

That is super, I guess.

I haven’t had my cup of coffee laced with the bad whiskey this morning, I can hardly find the keyboard and there are a lot of Nationals items to discuss this morning so I’m going to skip the usual unusual story I usually post before this thing and get to the meat and potatoes.

Actually, no, I do want to say one thing and that is never cover your hand in peanut butter and M&Ms and stick it into a hog pen. I’m not saying that happened, but I am just saying. Just in case. If you ever get the urge– like I might have or might have not did–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Garbage Gets Swept - Despite a surprisingly encouraging performance by starter Jason Marquis who went over seven-innings before being charged a run, the Nationals still lost to the Chicago Cubs last night 4-0 which completed Chicago’s sweep of the unmotivated Nats. It is the 10th time this season the Nats have been shutout although there might not be anyone left in Natstown to count. We all know Stan Kasten has already ditched town because there is still no accountability.

No Adam Dunn homeruns, no bobbleheads, no Wil Nieves– that is the formula for winning baseball, isn’t it? And we aren’t getting any of it! I don’t feel entertained. I might have to go back to porn.

Nyjer Morgan Is A National Hero – Centerfielder Nyjer Morgan is suspended for seven games and fined an undisclosed amount of cabbage for “inappropriate actions, which included intentionally throwing a baseball into the stands that hit a Philadelphia Phillies fan” during the Nationals 8-1 victory on Saturday. Word of his suspension reached Morgan and Manager Jim Riggleman just before last night’s game. Nyjer was in the line-up and is appealing the decision.

Wait, let me get this straight– he threw a ball into the stands and hit a Phillies fan? Why isn’t he getting a parade and a medal?

Dibble Is Out Of The Booth - After making some strange and somewhat harsh comments about Stephen Strasburg this past weekend that sent a good portion of Natstown into a mindless tizzy, Rob Dibble has stepped out of the broadcasting booth– but only for a few days self-imposed vacation that both MASN and the Nationals granted. He’ll be back on Saturday.

Yes, he’ll be back doing his job. Suck it up.

Pat Listach Wants To Do What? - Nationals third base coach Pat Listach is interested in the job of jobs: managing the Chicago Cubs.

“I would definitely like the job,” Listach said. “But I have a job to do here in Washington. If that job is available, it would be a dream come true. When you bring a championship to that city and that team, it’s a big deal.”

Whatever happened to bringing a championship to DC, Listach? Did you forget? Is it a faded memory? Huh, Listach? What about it, Listach? Get out of here with that, Listach. Go watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Listach.

Strasburg Versus The Arthrogram - Sounds like one of those Greek adventures– or tragedies. Lets hope not. Pitcher Stephen Strasburg will continue to have tests done on his injured flexor tendon, including an arthrogram to determine if the injury is more serious than previously believed. A recent report from SI.com’s Jon Heyman says the Nats are going to shut down Strasburg for the season regardless of the outcome.

Just shut him down. No one is watching anymore anyways.

That is Your Nationals Dispatch.