On Wednesday morning MLB league officials decided to not grant the Washington Nationals permission to honor the U.S. Special Forces who 24 years ago today sent a team into the Val Verde jungles to retrieve cabinet ministers held hostage by hostile guerrillas and who were subsequently hunted down and butchered by the Predator.
The crack squad of heavily armed, foul mouthed, badasses lead by Major Dutch Schaeffer were hunted down one-by-one and blasted, stabbed, mangled, skinned and hung upside down as their heads and spines were removed for trophies by an extraterrestrial hunter from another planet, all as they attempted to “get to the choppa“. There were no survivors, though conspiracy theorists theorize that Schaeffer and possibly a guerrilla prostitute did escape the competitive jowled hunter and the government has covered up and kept their whereabouts unknown.
It is the second time in a week league officials have denied the Nationals to properly honor the fallen heroes of the U.S. Military. On Tuesday night the Nationals were planning to wear special caps to honor the Navy SEALs and other members of the armed forces who have recently lost their lives in the line of duty, but MLB sent word that the caps were to only be worn during batting practice and pre-game festivities.
During Wednesday night’s game against the Cincinnati Reds the Nationals were planning to cover themselves head-to-toe in mud to hide their heat signatures, run trip wires all around the visitor’s locker room and tell pussy jokes in the dugout all game long.