Nationals Inquisition

It is completely amazing that anyone that has anything to remotely do with the Washington Nationals continues to give former Nats GM Jim Bowden the time of day.

The Bourbon Cowboy has been accused of being almost impossible to work with, holding back information during trades (Majewski to Reds situation), becoming obsessed with the “loose cannon” handle he sometimes was tagged with and has been implicated in a major scandal in the Dominican Republic. Does he have to cover himself in radioactive material to get the Nats to stay away from him?

This includes Nats media. Bill Ladson posted a story on his blog about Bowden and Bowden’s apparent joy at the Nationals doing so well these days. I know it is hard, but try not to puke when you read it:

In an interview with MLB.com recently, Bowden declined to give himself credit for the team’s recent success.

“I’m very happy that the Nationals are winning and in a race,” said Bowden, who was with the team from 2004-2009. “I’m very pleased for [general manager] Mike Rizzo, and [manager] Jim Riggleman for getting the Nationals where they are. Mike has done great job in continuing to build the team. Matt Capps has been a huge pick up, obviously, leading the Majors in saves in April. And Nyjer Morgan gave them much needed defense up the middle.

“They have done a good job improving the makeup and character of some of the players since I’ve left. I’m really proud of the accomplishments they have made. It has been a very tough couple of years watching the Nationals trying to rebuild.”

No thanks to you, JimBo. God, were you trying to run a circus or a baseball team during your time here? This is the part that really gets me, “Bowden declined to give himself credit for the team’s recent success…”

Oh, really? Do we want to revisit a certain tweet on Bowden’s twitter?

From this point on I am instituting a “No-Bowden Alert” which means all personnel, media or anyone connected with the Washington Nationals are not allowed to interview, have contact or publish any sort of works that have anything to do with Jim Bowden. If they need to reference him in anyway, they will need to use the words, “Floppy Fish” instead of his name. This is serious. We are under a code red No-Bowden Alert until further notice.

Just leave all Floppy Fish talk to blogs like this one. We’ll take the burden.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling pretty good the past two days (minus one incident of epic shame) and a lot of it has to do with my baseball team of choice. It feels like it has been years since I could carry on legitimate baseball discussions with my baseball brood and not have to come up with an excuse to leave the room. Four years, actually. The “Sorry guys, I gotta run to the store to get tampons and apple juice” subterfuge was growing tired.

Being third place in the NL East, the 12-10 (.545) Washington Nationals look to build upon that and keep the fourth place Florida Marlins at bay at 7:10pm ET tonight. The Nats are sending out Craig Stammen Scott Olsen to counter the south Florida voodoo of Ricky Nolasco. Beating up on Team Choke East, the Dodgers, Rockies and Cubs is all fine and dandy, but we see the Marlins as the real test for this new Nats team. Let’s face it: the Nats haven’t had the greatest success against the Fish the past few years. I never can figure out why. The Marlins are a decent team, but not a great one. They have a boneheaded front office, their stadium is melting in the Florida sun and they trade off and sell their players like they are the cheap pimp of the league. But the Nats can never find consistent success against them.

Most teams have a monkey on their backs. The Nats have a Fish. And you have–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

The Rise Of The Storen – Pitching prospect and possible Siamese Twin of Stephen Strasburg, reliever Drew Storen has been given the call-up to Triple-A Syracuse from Double-A Harrisburg. Here is some technical jargon from the press release:

The 10th-overall selection in the 2009 First-Year Player Draft, Storen converted all four save opportunities and posted a 0.96 ERA in seven appearances with Harrisburg of the Double-A Eastern League. The 22-year-old fanned 11 and walked just one batter in 9.1 innings pitched. Storen posted a .161 (5-for-31) batting average against, including a stingy .059 (1-for-17) against right-handed batters.Storen is 2-1 with 15 saves and a 1.75 ERA in 35 appearances during his two seasons as a professional. He has tallied 60 strikeouts against just nine walks in 46.1 innings, good enough for a 6.7/1 strikeout-to-walk ratio and 11.7 strikeouts per 9.0 innings.

This is the first time Storen and Strasburg have been separated since signing with the Nats. All reports indicate these two are buds, two baseballs in a pea pod, Batman and Robin. If there is any noticeable change in production, maybe the Nats should consider keeping them together. Storen is an anchor to Strasburg’s intergalactic space ship. They complete each other.

Don’t Hate The Team, Hate The Article – The Wall Street Journal conducted a study of “Sentiment Rankings” (duhhuh?) based off online messages and found that the Washington Nationals are the 6th Most Hated Team in the Majors. What this is based off of in reality, no one knows, but the Nats rank 6th with the Cleveland Indians ranking #1 of Most Hated and the San Francisco Giants and Oakland A’s being some of the least hated.

Many are joining the NQ in hitting the BS button on this. This is nothing but an article protecting the big MLB meal-tickets and trying to make teams like the Yanks, Red Sox, and Phillies more liked than they actually are. Any baseball fan that doesn’t have their lips on the number crunchers asses can easily tell you the Top Five Most Hated Teams in the MLB without batting an eye:

1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Philadelphia Phillies
4. New York Mets
5. Chicago Cubs

**These findings are based on reality, not the magic numbers found on the back of a fortune cookie.

I Must Have It - eBay is full of tons of crap so it is rare you find something so amazing that you are too scared to bid on it and lose it because it is so awesome. I present to you, the absolute holy grail of Washington Nationals shirts.

The NQ must have this, but if anyone found out we use eBay our bourgeois standing would be destroyed. I think someone should buy this for us for Christmas. An early Christmas. We’ve been a good blog this year.

Blog On Blog Action – Occasionally the NQ will take some time to introduce you to a new Nationals blog that has popped up in the Natosphere. It has been awhile since we plugged one of our peers, so let us point you in the direction of Nationals Fangirls.

Knowledgeable. Sexy. Nats Fans. Really, can you ask for anything more in a Nats blog? Check’em out. Link added to our Nats Links.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

It has been a little while since we last mentioned this so it doesn’t seem like such a shameless plug, but our Endless Spring Campaign is still up and running until Feb. 10, 2011 and to make it a little more prominent on the page, we have created “The Endless Spring Campaign” page which is in the “Sections” section at the top right of this site.

The NQ continues to plan to spend all the month of March 2011 following the Nats around Florida during their 11′ Spring Training, much like what reporter Mark Zuckerman did this past March, but with our own unique twists and viewpoints. We’ll have some extra surprises planned too.

But we need your help.

Click on the Campaign page or the widget located in the bar to the right and make a donation for more, sexy Nationals coverage from the most pure of sources: an average-Joe Nats fan. The transaction is safe, secure and easy. If you have a Paypal account, it is even easier. Give a little, give a lot. We love you long time either way.

Right now we have 1% of our goal. We know a lot of interested parties are planning to donate over the course of this year. Will you join them?

Thanks to those who have donated already. We’ll keep you updated.

It has to suck playing baseball in Chicago, especially at Wrigley Field. The wind is horrible, the temperature is bitter cold even in late April, Wrigley is old and falling apart, your manager gets kicked out of his own office so the other team can have a pitching meeting, the home fans are obnoxious frat boys with a strange sense of entitlement and the Cubs themselves are overrated losers that lost the “loveable” handle years ago.

The ghost of Steve Bartman still haunts the Poison Ivy patch.

Chicago has some of the worst working conditions in the Majors, but that doesn’t seem to have stopped the Nats from coming out and getting the job done. The Cubs love to be known as “losers” so someone has to come out there and make them so. It might as well be the Nats.

The Washington Nationals pulled off a mean and gritty 3-1 victory over the Cubbies at Wrigley last night putting the team back over .500 and in a tie for third in the NL East with the Fish. Ian Desmond had two RBIs and Cristian Guzman had an RBI and a triple, but it was the dirty, scrappy pitching performances of three guys that put this game in the bag:

1. Livan “Orville Redenbacher” Hernandez - Are you serious? Livan puts up another freakish performance of seven-innings, six hits, one run ball with an ERA of 0.87. This guy looks like he is 40-years old, but he is toking along like he is a Tim Lincecum. You see this? He is making us eat it. Raw.
2. Tyler Clippard – This animal came into the game in the 8th with a man on. He ended up walking one to put two men on, no outs and tying run at second. Clippard then locked down and was able to get the Cubs to fly out and ground out to end the inning, stranding at that time two runners, one at third, the other at second. He didn’t crack under the pressure. Absolutely filthy.
3. The Mad Capper – Centerfielder Nyjer Morgan once said of closer Matt Capps, “He is a bull rider, he’ll come right at you.” Capps lives up to that bit of hype as he collected his league leading 9th save of the year. The NQ loves Capps. We love his bullish-build, his energy and how he pumps himself up right after getting the final out. It is a sight that makes a Nats fan feel good and proud. The Cubs have to feel like losers losing out on getting Capps’ services in the off season. Well, Capps just rubbed salt in that wound.

So if Brian Bruney didn’t blow it by issuing a walk-off walk in the 10th on Monday night, the Nats would be going for the series sweep this afternoon at 2:20pm ET. Oh, that is another thing about Chicago games: ridiculous start times. God, it must suck to play there. I don’t know how the Nats do it.

I guess it is just all in a hard night’s work.

In Brief Relief–

You Can’t Keep A Good Deity Down – Lord of the Mound, Stephen Strasburg pitched five-innings of n0-hit ball, walking none and striking out six in a 1-0 Harrisburg Senators win over the Reading Phillies. Strasburg also had the lone RBI. The only player to reach base was on a passed ball– on a strikeout. This is getting ridiculous. The excuses are mush. Rizzo, it is time to make the call. LET OUR STRASBURG GO!!!

No Speaky The English, Bernadina Again – Outfielder Roger Bernadina has been called up to help take some of the strain off the injured position players. To make room for him, reliever Jesse English has been optioned to Triple-A Syracuse. It is rumored that before leaving the Nats locker room, English packed a can of shaving cream, a few weeks reading of Inside Pitch and a voodoo doll that bares a resemblance to Brian Bruney.

Brian Bruney, originally uploaded by yankeefan1959.

At this moment I am sure Nats reliever Brian Bruney wishes he was back in New York. Life as a New York Yankee was so much simpler. You get ridiculous paychecks no other team can compete with, each player has a scantly-clad android that serves as not only a personal conditioner, but also as a personal bodyguard and sex slave and players eat free anywhere in New York City. These were all pluses with Bruney, but probably his favorite thing was:

The Yanks never put Brian Bruney in the position to give up the walk-off walk in a tight, extra-innings game. It just didn’t happen because it is MLB mandate that the New York Yankees never tire themselves out too much with something as inconsequential as “extra innings.” It is written in their contracts they are not required to go more than nine-innings. Or so I hear.

Well, in the real world in D.C., you work for a living.

Bruney gave up the game losing walk-off walk last night in the 10th inning of the Nats 4-3 loss to the Cubs. It is pretty safe to say he feels like crap this morning. He certainly looked like a dead man walking last night. It looked like he was waiting for Pudge Rodriguez to pop out of nowhere with a sock full of pool balls to deliver him what he deserved.

Check out a completely dazed Bruney in this MASN interview with Debbi Taylor.

This interview is interesting for a couple of reasons. First, Debbi completely blindsides Bruney, who is of a fragile mind at this point already, with a question everyone already knows the answer to, “What happened?” Then asked what Bruney talked about with Steve McCatty on the mound, he responds, “I don’t think you guys are privileged enough to know [about] that.”

BURN! A total Bruney-Fly Burn! It is slightly humorous seeing him half wrapped up as a mummy while answering these questions.

I guess he is prepping to play in the Egyptian Pharaoh Leagues after all.

We apologize, we are experiencing technical difficulties.

When I say “we” I mean the “royal WE” which includes the Nats who dropped the first game of four against the Chicago Cubs last night at Wrigley by the score of 4-3. They blew it in the 10th-inning on a walk-off– a walk-off walk. We’ll get to that later, but lets go over the list of technical difficulties that made last night’s game so utterly memorable, it’s like one of those burned on your retina images like seeing Gollum in bed with Precious:

1. It was cold and windy which made it close to impossible to play certain injured players like Zimmerman and Pudge. I understand it is the Windy City and all, but it is late April and if the region is not warm enough to play baseball in by this time, then that region shouldn’t have a baseball team.
2. Be it MASN, be it the fossilized technology of Wrigley Field, an act of God or a mix of all three, the television game feed went out. Christ, it is 2010. We have the Internet and robots and cars that can parallel park themselves. Can’t we just sit down and watch a game on television?
3. A 8:05pm ET start time. Seriously. WTF?
4. Nats starter John Lannan might have gone six-innings, but he gave up three runs and five walks and had one hell of a time finding the strikezone. We are getting closer and closer to the time Lannan is going to be moved to his proper position, a #4 or #5 rotation guy, so we can’t make him what he really isn’t (an “ace”), but come on, John. Right now you are the weakest link.
5. Nyjer Morgan let a ball go over his head at one point. Was it the wind? Was he too shallow? Was he flirting with a Cubbie Chick? Who knows, but he wasn’t there.

I’m sure there were others, but the most important difficulty which should NEVER happen: walking a guy in with the bases loaded. This is like a Golden Rule of pitching. When should this happen? NEVER. Who should do this? NO ONE. But Nats reliever Brian Bruney did on four straight pitches in the 10th. He just handed the Cubs the game after so much trial and strife. He is lucky he isn’t playing baseball in Egypt. If an Egyptian pitcher walks a guy with the bases loaded they immediately mummify him and let him lay in a sarcophagus for three days with no food, water or air. Egyptian pitchers learn quick.

The Nats have been playing around with the idea that maybe they should drop a reliever and call up a position player to take some of the pressure off the ailing like Zimmerman, Pudge and Willie Harris. The question was which reliever do you send down without destroying the chemistry of this bullpen? Bruney is making that choice all too obvious.

If Nats pitchers are going to chicken out like Bruney in the future, I have no problem staring at the color bars for three hours. That is a lot more entertaining. The Nats are now 10-10 on the season and have fallen to 4th in the NL East.

I have gotten a request to produce a new “Where’s My Wilkerson?” comic strip. It has been awhile hasn’t it? I only did one and then sort of put it on the backburner. As far as I know it is still the only attempted comic strip out there on the Nats. Give me two or three days and we’ll get a new one out to you.

I’m pretty sure Adam Dunn wasn’t planning on making it a big deal. I’m nearly positive he thought the idea was simply going to be an inside joke among the players in the inner sanctum that is the locker room. But these sorts of things always begin small and then take on a life of their own.

Of course, I am talking about the Silver Wig.

At the beginning of the season, first baseman Adam Dunn came up with the idea of a sort of “community trophy” for the players. The Nationals player of the game gets a special item that declares him, well, special and gives him bragging rights until the player of the next game is announced. Nyjer Morgan dug the idea so he went out and purchased from a Halloween store an exaggerated Elvis wig that he might or might not have painted silver.

Since then, Nats fans have sort of grown attached to it (no pun intended). The Nationals Enquirer is a master at getting photos of players wearing the wig posted online. The D.C. Sports Bog is keeping track of all the “Elvi.” There is even a thread over on the Washington Nationals Fan Forum titled “The Silver Wig Appreciation Society” were Nats fans talk wig and post pictures of the players wearing them. I should know, I started it to gauge popularity of the rite and the response has been positive with a lot of ideas formulating.

It reminds me of the Yanks Giambi Mustaches and Golden Thongs. It was just a fan homegrown idea that spread.

I think it is time for Nats fans to have a little fun. We deserve it. So the Inquisition is making a “Call To Hair,” Nats fans. Here is your homework assignment:

The next Nationals home game you attend, wear an Elvis wig.

It can be a duplicate of the silver wig or just any Elvis wig you can find and afford. I think they should remain black because I think the Silver Wig should remain unique and to the players. Just throw an Elvis wig on before you go out the door to a game and wear it. I want to see “Elvi” popping up in the crowd at Nationals Park. I want to see them on the television broadcasts. I want to see them at Nationals events. Let’s have some fun and support the team. The Silver Wig belongs to the player of the game, the Black Wigs belong to the fans of the game.

Here is a link to a replica black wig similar to the Silver Wig. I’m buying one.

Let’s give it a try and see where it goes. Maybe a lot of people will do it. Maybe no one to do it. If there is enough interest maybe we’ll get the blogs together and we’ll dedicate a game where we try and get as many fans as possible to wear a wig at the game. Maybe Flash Mob at Nationals Park. I don’t know, the potential for the idea is endless. If anyone is interested in trying to get something big together, contact the NQ. If you go to a Nats game wearing a wig, get your picture taken and we’ll definitely post them up on the NQ. If you see an Elvis wig at a game, let us know.

Let’s get hairy, Nats fans. Let’s make Adam Dunn proud.

So last night, former Nats pitcher Mike Bacsik (the guy who kicked his team in the nuts by giving up Balco Bonds’ historic homerun) went on a drunken rant on his Twitter account blasting the NBA, David Stern and all the “dirty mexicans in San Antonio.”

That must have been a wild night in the Bacsik household.

All comments related to mexicans, blow jobs, cancer and suicide were deleted. However, moments ago “Bacsik” issued an apology on his Twitter showing not only was he horribly “insensitive” but a horrible speller as well:

MikeBacsik: I’m sorry for my horriblly insinsitive tweet last night about the hispanic comm. in San Antonio. I apoligize and I hope u can forgive me.

This Twitter account is not confirmed as of yet so this might be one big scam, but it is looking more and more like this is the real deal.

If so, shame on the American educational system for letting him pass sixth grade English.

UPDATE - Bacsik must be reading the Tweets today because he just re-issued his apology fixing all his grammatical errors.

UPDATE 2: Bacsik suspended from his radio gig. So it is true– Mike Bacsik is a douchebag.

The NatsNQ is on Twitter if you don’t already know and since getting an account there we just haven’t understood it or figured out how to implement it into the blog… until now. We have finally figured out what Twitter is used for.

Twitter basically allows anyone with fingers and a 150 character vocab to go online and say whatever they want before they delete it and act like it never existed, but of course whatever they said DID exist and there are more than enough people on Twitter that sit around waiting to capture and preserve these short lived nuggets of wisdom so everyone can make fun of them.

For example, ex-Nats GM Jim Bowden posted on his account last night:

JimBowdenXMFOX: All my DC haters..can’t I get at least a little love for the trades for Atilano,Clippard,Willnghm,Olson?drafts for Zim&Desmond,Stmn+ Dunn?

I guess he really didn’t like the responses he was getting because this posting was quickly deleted. Do you really want us to answer that for you, JimBo? No matter. We will anways:

A resounding NO.

It is common knowledge that drafting Ryan Zimmerman was a no-brainer that fell out of the heavens and into JimBo’s lap. I’m sure JimBo would like us to believe that he spent weeks pondering Zimmerman’s draft selection, that he called up a brain trust of veteran scouts for opinions, that he was in direct contact with Bill James and his voodoo-number religion, but that is all a crock. The chick who writes for the Washington Post Style section could have made that selection.

I could be wrong, but I don’t remember JimBo drafting Desmond. As for everyone else, Cowboy Leatherpants might or might not have had anything directly or indirectly to do with them being a Nat, but we have a pretty good idea that he certainly wouldn’t know what to do with any of them if he was still in the organization. JimBo had that aura of the geeky spaz who lucks out when he finds himself in a hotel room with a drunken hot chick during Spring Break. Could you imagine if JimBo was still with the organization and had kids like Storen and Strasburg at his disposal?

He’d probably resign Dmitri Young to teach Drew Storen how to pitch and eat like a major leaguer while trading off Strasburg for a case of Wild Turkey and a chance to see some MLB intern’s tits. It is terrifying to think about. Every night I pray to God and thank him for Mike Rizzo.

And I thank God for Twitter.

(Really fruity photo from The Cincinnati Inquirer)