Nationals Inquisition

It would figure I would be eating red snapper at a Thai food restaurant when “the announcement” came in. Somehow I just knew this would happen.

The Washington Nationals announced early Monday evening that pitching phenom and #1 overall selection in the 2009 MLB Draft Stephen Strasburg will be making his Major League debut against the Pittsburgh Pirates on June 8th.

I guess the team felt they had milked this monkey long enough.

Tickets on Nationals.com for the game are currently at none and Stubhub.com prices are already fluctuating with 6/8 tickets taking off at huge prices and sellers trying to unload tickets to the series with the Reds and other Pirate games at discount prices.

We can all finally sigh in relief now that “we finally know.” But I still can’t shake the feeling that the fans got jerked off in this deal. It just seems D.C. fans were led on by some brilliant scheme to make more ticket sales. The masterminds behind it all, Stan Kasten and Mike Rizzo, need to have a hat tipped to them for their remarkable baseball-ponzi-like web of intricacy and villainy. No front office duo in the MLB is more dangerous. They are the Shrewd Saints of Swat.

Usually the NQ would never attend this game based on principal. We ain’t suckers. We won’t be treated like this. We can’t be bought– which is why I finished my red snapper and immediately went through certain channels to acquire overpriced tickets at outrageous prices for what seats they are for. The NQ will see you at Nationals Park on June 8th.

We all are victims.

I have devastating news. I attended a wedding this past weekend and it was one of those weddings where the wretched Drambuie was free and the bartender actually appears in your kitchen the next morning when you are getting a glass of orange juice. I can’t fully remember what happened after the “I Dos,” but I awoke this morning to find the wedding had somehow led to a funeral.

I killed my John Lannan P-Nats Bobblehead.

I have no recollection of what happened. I can’t tell if it was just an accident or in a fit of rage at Adam Kennedy blowing not ONE, but TWO games at Petco Park I just decided to take it out on Little John. Whatever the case, I had a private funeral out in the orchid this morning. One day my children will be eating apples that taste strangely Lannan-ish while you will be eating–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

KAPOW, ZING, BANG, KABLAM! – The Nationals absolutely crushed Roy Oswalt and the Houston Astros this afternoon 14-4 at Minute Maid Park. Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman had 4 RBIs each with Zimmerman scoring his 11th homer of the season. Ian Desmond added two more RBIs to his sheet and catcher Carlos Maldonado smashed his first homerun and cashed in three RBIs. The newly switched Cristian Guzman and Nyjer Morgan in the line-up each had three hits in the Nats 14-hit onslaught. Roy Oswalt was ejected in the third for arguing balls, strikes and probably because he hates Houston also.

Sounds like the Nats had a lot of fun. Why not? Minute Maid Park is like the funhouse of MLB stadiums. What sort of crackerjack designs a field with a hill and flagpole– in centerfield? I suspect you can probably throw rings over coke bottles to win a goldfish in the home bullpen and eat funnel cake in the visitors. It’s a rip-roarin’ good time in Houston tonight!

You Say Solid Loss Like It Is A Good Thing – Stephen Strasburg suffered what some outlets are calling a “solid loss” in one of his last minor league starts giving up three runs in five innings of work on Saturday night.

“That’s baseball. You win some, and you lose some,” he said. “I’m not chalking it up as getting pushed back. They beat me today. It happens.”

Really, what is a solid loss? Is there such a thing? Last I checked, losing usually carried a negative vibe to it. But who the hell am I to argue proper terminology? I’m a Nats fan. I basically paid thousands of dollars to watch the team lose the past two seasons. I’m a schmuck.

Zimmerman Scores The Benjamin – Ryan Zimmerman hit two homeruns in a 3-2 loss to the Padres on Sunday and those homeruns ended up being the 100th and 101st homeruns of his career.

Usually when such milestones are reached you are supposed to do something like get a dozen roses dipped in gold or something to commemorate the occasion. Maybe I’m not thinking of the correct situation– screw it, just dip Zimmerman’s hands in gold and be done with it.

All Those Who Purchased Tickets To The Upcoming Reds Series – Still good and pissed.

No Peanuts For You – The Washington Nationals are offering special seating for those with peanut allergies during four games this season. The games on June 6th, July 31st and August 27th will have special designated seating areas for those who suffer with this strange, but horrible allergy. Peanut free tickets are $25 each and may be purchased by contacting Brian Beck at (202) 640-7647 or brian.beck@nationals.com.

Being allergic to peanuts and going to a baseball game is like being allergic to dogs and attending the Best In Show. This is such a strange allergy to me. I don’t fully understand it. So if I dress up as the Planters Peanuts Guy, will these people flee in terror?

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

Although I can’t confirm it, I think Josh Willingham has been itching to get his mug on the front page of the NQ for quite sometime. The Hammer is one of those rare silent contributors that isn’t all flash and frills, but when he gets on the field he gets the job done time and time again. Lately this guy has been using league pitchers as batting practice. Teeing off is a golf term and stupid in this case. It is more like “delivering the bombs.” He now leads the team in homeruns.

However, the NQ has a strict set of rules to follow when posting front page pictures. If we strayed from such rules, there would be chaos. Rules are made so you don’t step over that line, especially in bowling. Blogging too although I don’t know where that line is. The only line I know of leads you to–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Nats File Protest, Win – Last night the Nats defeated the San Diego Padres 5-3 off homeruns by Josh Willingham and Ian Desmond, but the game started with a bit of controversy. The Padres handed in their line-up card to the umpire having a pitcher who wasn’t even in the ballpark listed. Adam Russell was sent down to the minors earlier in the day. Instead, Clayton Richard came to the mound and under MLB rules, Nats manager Jim Riggleman followed procedure, complained to the ump and then filed a protest with the league after the first inning.

You see? You need rules in this baseball or you’ll have the ghost of Adam Russell pitching in every game. Really, though– who cares?

Jim Riggleman Pulled A Bobby Cox - After beating the Padres on Friday night, the Nationals officially dropped their protest against San Diego after they handed in a line-up card that did not list the appropriate players.

“It’s my nightmare, Casey Stengel’s nightmare, it’s the future managers of the world’s nightmare. I know I look at it 10 times. I’ve had our coaches look over it, over and over,” Riggleman said. “I shouldn’t speak for Buddy. He is first-class. He brought to the attention of the umpire. … Just for the sake of our ballclub. We protested.”

The reason it is Riggleman’s nightmare is because he basically pulled a Bobby Cox. This event had to have gotten under the Padres’ skins. It reminds me of that old zombie Cox trying to ice the Nats by saying the Nationals Park pitcher’s mound was crapped up in the middle of a game and having the grounds crew come out and “fix it.” Pulling a Cox is just a hellish experience and no one wants to get tagged with that. Riggleman took one for the team and by pulling the protest right after the Nats win it only reminds me of Nelson from The Simpsons pointing and going “Ha, ha.”

Just For The Record – Just to catch up, the Nats did drop their final game against Barry Zito and the San Francisco Giants on Thursday night, 5-4. The bullpen had a break down and an Adam Dunn homerun that would have won the game was called back and called a double.

They didn’t win it, but the Nats did hold their own against another Cy-Young pitcher in Barry Zito. Impressive. If Dunn’s ball hit the wall about a foot higher the Nats would have taken the series. So close. But thankfully, now I don’t have to pour sugar down my pants.

Closed Until Monday – The NQ will be offline until Monday due to having to attend a wedding. We almost decided not to go, but the lure of an open bar and hot bridesmaids was too much. And this just in: the NQ will be at Nationals Park June 4th AND June 5th against the Reds.

With any luck, we’ll have a bridesmaid with us.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

By now you have probably heard various rumors pegging pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg’s debut “tentatively” for the June 8-10 series against the Pittsburgh Pirates. The baseball world went on the fritz when Nationals.com writer Bill Ladson tweeted:

washingnats: The #Nats are tentatively planning to have RHP Stephen Strasburg make his Major League debut against the Bucs at Nationals Park in June.

Followed by:

washingnats: No date has been set yet for Stephen Strasburg’s debut. The #Nats plan to give everyone five or six days notice before the start.

These two tweets set off a fire storm of excitement, anger, debate and hypothesis. There is so much of it right now I don’t think you could compile it all properly at this time. The Nats Front Office is loving it. The Nats Marketing Team is loving it. The Nats PR department is loving it. The Nats Beat Writers are loving it. The Nats Bloggers are loving it. It seems like everyone is loving it, but I can tell you who isn’t loving one minute of it.

Nats fans.

This might seem strange, but stay with me. If you aren’t mad at this whole situation and questioning it, hopefully you soon will be. By choosing to make Strasburg’s debut during the series with the Pirates, the Nats have chickened out and have done so in two ways.

First, let’s stop pretending the Nationals are really confused and unknowing when Strasburg will debut. They aren’t. In fact they are more than “tentatively” sure of the date. It is probably written on some index card on some bulletin board in Mike Rizzo office. Barring weather or injury, they know the date they are aiming for. So why does the team continue to treat the fans like 3rd graders and just not tell them when that date is?

Money. It boils down to money and tickets. Since the start of the season the team has made no secret of the fact that Strasburg most likely was going to debut sometime in early June. They did throw the fans that bone and they reacted exactly like a dog: they took that bone and buried it. It was a no-brainer Strasburg would debut in Nationals Park so fans went out and purchased tickets to the home series against the Cincinnati Reds and Pittsburgh Pirates, the first home series of June. But the team never gave or denied a date within that set of series. June 4th became a circled date on a lot of people’s calendars. The date made sense. It was in line with Strasburg’s minor league starts, it was a weekend series and it might give Strasburg a chance to start twice in D.C. Again, the team never confirmed or denied this date. In the meantime, tickets for every game of these series are going hot. The June 4th game in fact is now down to single seats being available. The team watched and loved it.

Then these tweets. How convenient– another bone. Now there is a “tentative” series to expect his debut, but they aren’t going to tell you which game against the Pirates so the dogs will lap up all the tickets to that series and the money will keep rolling in. All those who purchased tickets to the Reds series, “Oops, sorry. Fate didn’t have it in the cards. We never said anything about him debuting during that series. You just assumed, that is on your head. Sorry. But hey, at least we still got your money.”

Ridiculous. I think you see where this is going. The team is playing the fans like a game of Monopoly. Milking the moment for everything it is worth like the Vampires of Wall Street. The team will say they want him to go a certain amount of innings, stretch himself out, work a little more under pressure, gain more of that golden minor league experience, but that is a crock of bull and Strasburg’s numbers prove it. There is absolutely nothing left for Strasburg to prove in any league lower than the Majors.

And let’s not forget the other bit of cowardice in this drama. Starting Stephen Strasburg against the Pirates? Boring. The Nats have a hot, new car with flames painted down the sides and they don’t even want to rev it up and see how fast it goes. They just want Strasburg to get that easy, first win against a weak Pittsburgh team. They’ll probably cite “a confidence builder” as the reasoning, but Strasburg doesn’t strike me as a guy who needs to be coddled and have his hand held. The guy is a competitor. So let him compete. Let him blast away a much more interesting and a bit more dangerous Reds line-up. Strasburg vs. Lastings Milledge doesn’t excite me.

For the record, I bought June 4th tickets with high hopes, but I’m honestly not upset. June 4th is still an option and what is the worst that can happen? I spend a Friday night at Nationals Park? But I know plenty of people who are upset, really not for the fact Strasburg might not be debuting then, but they feel the team has done nothing but lead the fans on all in the name of selling tickets.

It will be interesting to see where Strasburg finally debuts and what happens to attendance at the games he does not. I’m sure between now and then the Nats will be throwing out plenty more bones.

I just hope they aren’t surprised when the fans bite the hand that feeds them.

I really can’t stomach these West Coast games. I’m a busy father and I am fickle with my sleep habits. I need sleep. So half the time the Nats are on the Left Coast I tend to get the scent of lavender going in the room, put on my sleep mask and hit the sack knowing I’m going to depend on my staff member accounts of the game or the various recaps. Last night was no different. This is a dull and boring thing to do, especially when you are one of the sexiest Nats blogs on the Net, but it does have its advantages.

For example, imagine how surprised you’d be if you woke up this morning and found the Nationals defeated Cy-Young winner Tim Lincecum and the San Fran Giants 7-3 in dominating fashion. You at first think you are still dreaming, but euphoria hits when you realize your not.

And that is exactly what the Nats did.

The Nationals offense erupted against the young Cy-Young winner who came into the game undefeated with a record of 5-0. Lincecum lasted only 4.2 innings, giving up six runs on six hits. Ian Desmond, Josh Willingham, Adam Dunn and Adam Kennedy are credited in doing the damage against the Giants at the plate. Nationals starter Luis Atilano picked up his fourth win of the season going 5.1 innings giving up two runs and four hits.

“That’s why you play the games,” Nationals manager Jim Riggleman said. “When the umpire says play ball, you grind it out. You just don’t know. There’s somebody that might be on top of his game on a particular day. He might not be on top of his game, so that determines who is going to win.”

I owe Jim Riggleman a gin gimlet next time I see him– I really had the bad vibes going to bed last night thinking I’d wake up to Lincecum throwing a no-hitter. But the Nats were fortunate Lincecum had an off-night. And it was an off-night. That kid didn’t get his reputation by pitching like Jason Bergmann. Lincecum is usually dead on. So we have to chalk up last night’s victory partially to luck.

If the Nats can take down Barry Zito tonight and get back-to-back wins against Cy Young winners, then I will reevaluate the situation.

I’d also pour sugar down my pants.

There was an interesting delivery to the NQ Mountain Compound this morning. We had a box sent to us from Syracuse which contained a note and a mysterious shroud that said, “After his last game,  a man that was supposedly Strasburg wiped his face on a clubhouse towel and threw it into the corner. I now send it to you.”

The results are mystifying, the analysis inconclusive. Is it real?

Okay, that is total bull. It is Wednesday and I am goofing off in Photoshop.

I had you there for a second.

The Washington Nationals have decided who they are going to select with the first overall selection in the 2010 First-Year Player Draft, but are remaining silent on the issue.

Well, sort of silent.

“We have settled on the one-one [first round, first pick],” Rizzo said. “We are not going to announce what it is right now. We feel we have narrowed it down to one specific player. Our cross-checkers are [arriving in Washington] on Sunday evening. We get to put the board together Monday. By June 7, we’ll know exactly where we are at, not only with one-one, but we’ll have 1,500 or 1,600 players put in order.”

Rumor has it that the Nationals have had interest in some unknown kid from he College of Southern Nevada. This tenderfoot is a catcher/outfielder who is hitting .442 with 29 home runs and 89 RBIs and has documented character issues, but the Nationals are willing to ignore them because of all the offensive production and money he will make them.

“We know him as well as anybody. [Assistant general manager] Roy Clark and [scouting director] Kris Kline have been doing this Draft stuff for many years, and if they are not concerned with it, I’m not concerned with it.

“I met the kid personally. I met the mom and dad personally. I adore how they interact as a family. The dad is an iron worker. [Player Name Removed To Keep His Identity Secret] is a hard-working, blue-collar guy and the kid brings his lunch pail every day.”

I’m not sure why the team is playing stupid and just not telling us who they are going to gun for. It isn’t like anyone is suddenly going to get the jump on them and pick him first and it isn’t like we all don’t know already it is Bryce Harper.

Oh my God, I just said his name! I ruined the surprise!

The Washington Nationals and Livan “Orville Redenbacher” Hernandez might have lost the only chance at victory in San Francisco last night. A rotten fifth-inning proved disastrous as the Nats drop the first of three games against the Giants, 4-2. Hernandez cruised the first few innings, but in the fifth gave up five consecutive hits with two outs to give the Giants the game.

“Unbelievable,” Hernandez said. “I threw good pitches and they hit it. Today, I feel very good and I lose the game with two outs. I can’t say anything.”

Amazing insight from the player. This is why baseball players are always on talk shows and having their minds prodded by scientists.

The Nationals offense could do little against pitcher Todd Wellemeyer and that doesn’t bode well at all considering who they will be facing over the course of the next two days. Tonight the Nats throw Luis Atilano out against Cy-Young toker Tim Lincecum. Tomorrow night the offense is going to have to figure out what to do against Barry Zito, admittedly human, but a Cy-Young winner just the same. Last night’s loss certainly wasn’t a good start to the 10-game stretch away from Nats Park.

Atilano against Lincecum… it is like sending a whaler out to slay a whale with a toothpick. If there is any player that fascinates here at the NQ that doesn’t wear the Curly W, it is Tim Lincecum. You treat that kid like an anaconda: remarkable animal to watch, but you respectfully keep your distance. You know what would be good here right about now? A cup of black coffee, some bacon and a side of Strasburg.

Strasburg against Lincecum– now there is a beast. That is a match up for the ages. It is a totally worthy match up instead of throwing guys like Atilano, Stammen, Lannan, etc. to the rabid dogs. I have a feeling that when it happens, and it will, those will be some big selling games when those two pitch against each other. Legends are born of such pitching match ups, anacondas are sighted.

But, alas, Strasburg just isn’t ready for the Major Leagues says Mike Rizzo. He has to work on his “everydayness” and getting to know how baseball works. Yeah, that Strasburg– he has no idea how to play the game.

There is a Land of Giants– Nats fans are just waiting for the beanstalk to grow tall enough to reach it.

The Nationals kick off a grueling 10-game Left Coast tour tonight, starting with the San Fransisco Giants at the ungodly time of 10:15pm EDT. Jesus, what a horrible time to start a baseball game. The Giants are first, then the Nats move over to San Diego to face the red hot friars and then they pass through Houston in the state that massacres history textbooks to face the Astros before coming home to the Reds.

With recent injuries and pitching break downs, this is going to be a rough leg of the schedule. So we are trying to think happy thoughts around Headquarters. That is why I posted the picture above. I don’t know anything more happy than that. Well, maybe that and–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

What Does It All Mean? – Nats phenom Stephen Strasburg pitched in yet another Triple-A start last night and gave up the first runs of his Triple-A career. He threw 52 pitches in five innings, he allowed two runs (one earned) on five hits with no walks and five strikeouts. Strasburg’s devastating curve and changeup were missing their marks last night, but he quickly adjusted, limited the damage as the Syracuse Chiefs defeated the Toledo Mud Hens 6-3.

He gave up runs? What does this all mean?! Nothing. It happens. We aren’t even going to over analyze this. Even Jesus flipped a table in temple once in awhile in anger. Now go try and find tickets to the June 4th game against the Reds.

No Chance In Hell, San Diego – San Diego News Network writer Jeff Creps wrote an online letter (article) requesting that the Washington Nationals should have Stephen Strasburg make his debut in San Diego citing that Strasburg is from San Diego and the city has been watching the career of Strasburg way before anyone in DC was, so what better place to make his debut?

“Dear Mr. Creps, What better place to make his debut? How about Nationals Park? Get the hell out of here with this hometown pity-party crap. San Diego missed out. Get over it. Love, Nats Fans.” Anyone who thinks Strasburg will make his debut outside of Washington D.C., the team that drafted him and put him on the map, has serious screws loose. For him to not debut in Nats Park would be an absolute slap in the face to every Nats fan that has patiently waited this long and it would be a business and financial fail as well. We can stop this talk of him starting in San Diego, Houston, Bolivia, Venus– he will debut in D.C. Have you bought your June 4th tickets yet?

Our Pudge Is Sore – That sort of sounds gross, doesn’t it? Anyways, catcher Pudge Rodriguez has been moved to the 15-Day DL with a back strain. He did not go with the team on their road trip and will instead rest up in D.C. while the Nats call up catcher Carlos Maldonado from Triple-A Syracuse to fill in as back-up catcher behind Wil Nieves.

Michael Morse was supposed to be back-up, but those plans were nixed. Morse trained as a catcher in Spring Training, but it just wasn’t a feasible idea. Other teams would have a field day running all over the field on him. It would be like the time I was younger and I found a Snickers bar in the schoolyard and I chased all the girls around with it in my hand saying it was poop. Later, in the principals office, I found out it was poop. Oops.

Steve Phillips Will Work For Food - I had to ask one of my staff members who the hell Steve Phillips was and by the time he said Phillips had worked for ESPN and was a former New York Mets manager I already knew the guy was a sausage head. Phillips went on some radio show and offered up his life-stopping wisdom by saying he would trade Houston pitcher Roy Oswalt for the Nats Stephen Strasburg straight up.

Yeah, your right. There really is no news in this other than Steve Phillips is a moron and should go back to hounding and banging production assistants. I shouldn’t have posted it. I failed you. I feel ashamed. Please– throw me to the floor and do as you will with me.

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

I love it when readers send in their photos. It makes my job so much easier. These two ladies sent this one in of them standing in a suite, taking in Saturday’s Battle of the Beltways game. Nice shirts. Those two guys will be on the field together really soon. I’m going to write their names on my underwear.

Speaking of the Battle of the Beltways, the Nats ended up taking this series from the Baltimore Orioles, two games to one. It is another Nats series victory, but it didn’t come easy and it didn’t come pretty. Some say with these two games and the team being back over .500, that rough patch of winning one game in seven is behind them. We think not. They played the Baltimore Orioles for Pete’s sake and they had to scrape out every run from the bottom of a barrel to get by the orange and black. Here are some quick, blurb recaps of each game of this series.

Friday, Nats Lose 5-3 – This was pretty much the worst way to start the Battle of the Beltways. Orioles starter David Hernandez no-hit the Nats for majority of the game, coming into the game with a 0-5 record and an astronomical ERA. Nats starter Scott Olsen left after three innings with shoulder inflammation and other than a Willie Harris 2-run bomb and a rally that fell short, not much excitement on the Curly W side of things. Ridiculous, sloppy play. Not a shining moment in the 2010 campaign.

Saturday, Nats Win 7-6 – This game featured what is being called “The Morgan Gaffe” and could have ended a whole lot differently if the Nats didn’t grind this one out. In this game the Nats committed “two errors, saw its first-base coach, Dan Radison, get ejected, Ivan Rodriguez leave the game because of a lower back strain and Nyjer Morgan make one of his worst mistakes since he joined the Nationals last summer.”Apparently, a bachelor party sported 2-foot tall inflatable Silver Elvis Wigs during the game. We are told these guys were pickled by the end of the game, but had a pretty good time.

Sunday, Nats Win 4-3 – Nats starter John Lannan pitched a beautiful 5 1/3 innings giving up one run on two hits in the first inning, O’s outfielder Adam Jones committed an almost identical “gaffe” of his own which led to a Roger Bernadina 3-run triple and Josh Willingham blasted a solo shot in the 10th for a walk-off win. Reliever Drew Storen also collected his first big league hit. The bit of weirdness in this game: O’s shortstop Julio Lugo kicked dirt at Josh Willingham as he trotted by on his way to home plate in the 10th. The Sports Bog has the play-by-play complete with nifty green paintshop arrows of the event. What a douchebag. Lugo should be working as a tour guide at the Baltimore aquarium, not on a baseball field.

These two teams beat the hell out of each other in a series that was full of strange. I’m not sure if there is a true rivalry here and that the players even care, but they certainly acted like it this series. Both teams are battered, bruised and are going to be really hurting in the next stretch. The Nats certainly didn’t bring their best game and the break down has to bring some concern going into a 10-game West Coast tour before coming home to face the rising Reds on June 4th. A hopeful Strasburg game.

Please, Nats. I bought five tickets.

Special thanks to Samantha-Nats Fan for the pics.