This is the first time in almost three days we have been able to jump on a computer. Currently, the traveling circus that is the NQ is in our secret wilderness hideaway just outside of Charlottesville, VA. Nothing works here. We only have one DVD to keep us entertained, Big Trouble in Little China, and we have watched it at least six times already while introducing chocolate milk to the local redneck population. It is quite the sight to see, these hairy mountain men, stained in sweat and motor oil, sipping on kid cartons of organic chocolate milk rather than sucking back on their Busch beer.
It’s amazing we are even able to bring you this edition, but you just remember what ole’ Jack Burton says at a time like this, “Ah, what the hell..”
Bite The Apple, Taste The Worm – The Nationals are in New York currently playing Team Choke East in The Litterbox II, but things haven’t been going so hot. John Lannan took some knocks in Monday’s 5-2 loss and even though Adam Dunn hit his 1000th hit of his career, the Nationals still couldn’t pull anything together in Tuesday’s 6-1 loss. Tonight, Jordan Zimmermann squares off against Johan Santana.
Team Red is eating the worm in the Big Apple, but the Nats are probably wishing they were eating it out of the bottom of a tequila bottle instead.
Nationals Bite The Cabrera Bullet – The Nationals designated starter Daniel Cabrera for assignment, Cabrera, who was 0-5 with a 5.85 ERA and led the National League in walks (35) and wild pitches (nine), says he will opt to become a free agent when he clears waivers. Acting GM Mike Rizzo said the Nats will eat the rest of Cabrera’s contract and cited “I was getting tired of watching it” as reasons for this long overdue move.
Remember that bottle of tequila I mentioned? Well, pour out some more shots because we are celebrating! The only thing more overdue than this move is the copy of “The Joy of Sex” from the town library of Eunuch.
Where’s All The Bull? – This past weekend we mentioned “The Bullpen,” a new dirt-pit party area that opened up in front of the Center Field Gate at Nationals Park. We got several questions about what the hell we were talking about and were shocked to find that THIS PLACE just opened up only about two weekends ago, so it is still quite new to Nationals fans.
Here is a Washington Post article about the joint and it’s owner.
The NQ didn’t go into the place ourselves, but we’ve been snooping around and getting some feedback from fans just like you. Here are two things we have heard:
“It’s College Park South, or so it was this past weekend. If one likes swill and Gamma Smegma [sic] types doing the limbo under a putting iron, it’s the shizzle.”
“It is owned by Robert “Bo” Blair who also owns a bunch of places in Georgetown that only allows in people that are on his preppy invite list. Seriously.”
It sounds like the perfect place to take the kids after Sunday Church.
There is nothing more biblically intense than watching a bunch of frat boy hooligans keg stand your daughter in her Catholic schoolgirl uniform while your son is getting drunk as a skunk and having the blood from his quarter-pounded knuckles staining his good shirt.
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