Your Nationals Dispatch: Mugshots, Millionaires And More Edition

I would like to proudly announce that the lovely Miss Natpenny and I are expecting our second little Nats fan this October. I can’t tell you how proud and excited I am. This news means three things:

  1. My seed is awesome. (Sorry ladies, you missed out.)
  2. The Nationals Inquisition now has potentially two who can inherit the blog so the NQ shall live on after I am dust.
  3. I can tally one more up towards my goal of populating Nationals Park with actual Nats fans when the Phillies come to town. As they said in Braveheart, “If you can’t force them out, breed them out.”

I might want a little help with No. 3. I mean, my baby making abilities are astounding, but come on, how about a little help here? I can’t do it all. I think it is very lazy and selfish of you leaving me here holding the diaper bag. But whatever. If you want something right you got to do it yourself. I’m a stud. I figure I’m good for three or four sections behind the Nationals dugout. I’ll leave the rest up to you guys.

Freak load of Nats news today, so let’s get to–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Finally, They Are Doing It For The Kids - After five long years, the Washington Nationals finally broke ground today on a nine-acre baseball facility in Fort Dupont Park in D.C. At the “ground breaking” ceremony were numerous players, organization reps and even former Nationals manager Frank Robinson. The Youth Academy will serve as a baseball smorgasbord for inner-city children and will feature state-of-the-art fields, facilities and classrooms.

Do I really have to make some witty comment after this? Sounds like a noble cause to me. I just hope Frank Robinson didn’t fall asleep during all the speeches.

Nate Silver Uses Lazy Journalism Technique To Rate Nationals Park – The New York Times printed an article today ranking MLB ballparks from best to worst. Nate Silver is the chimp that put it all together and somehow Silver believes that Nationals Park is the fifth WORST ballpark in America. Really Nate? No, not really. You see, Silver, instead of having an ounce of journalistic integrity and respect for the job and doing his own research (like actually going to take in a game or two at the actual Park) relied heavily on Internet reviews of ballparks from other nameless people off of

Jesus, that is so lazy and stupid. Does the NYT really waste time and money printing such trash? Yelp? If it is that easy to get printed in that rag then I am going to freelance and write a story about how my cat pooped outside his litter box. I’m sure they can fit it somewhere in their environmental or world events section.

Your Dispatch Is Brought To You By Shameless Plugs – My most recent SBnation D.C. article on Jim Riggleman’s job and his soon to be lack of and some fat chewing over on That Balls Outta Here blog.

Read them. They include polar bears and snozzberries.

You’ll Never Guess What Happened To Elijah Dukes – Yep, he got arrested. Again. Unfortunately it is not for wearing a red wife beater.

Oops, I said wife beater. Gotta be careful because I hear saying those words puts him in a frenzy.

No Sh*t? – The first round of 2011 All-Star voting updates came out today and guess what? No Nationals player is in the top five of every position for the NL team and no Nationals outfielder is in the top 15 which means $126 million can’t even buy Jayson Werth an All-Star berth.

I gotta lay off the Werth jokes. There are getting to be too many. Got to save them for a rainy day.

I Think I Just Felt A Drop Of Rain – So that means I can dish it out on Werth again. took a players poll asking players who they think is the most overrated baseball player out there. In the Top Five were three Yankees and one Red Sox player. The guy coming in at number four? Jayson Werth.

$126 million can’t even buy you respect from your peers!

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

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