Your Nationals Dispatch: SPOOOCK! Edition

You remember the most recent Star Trek movie? Eric Bana plays the villain, a Romulan miner gone absolutely apeshit and there is this scene where he goes nuts and starts screaming, “SPOCK!”? For absolutely no reason at all except for the fact recent news in Natstown might make you go equally as batty and shout the same thing I give you the SPOCK! Edition of–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Zach Houchins Possibly Poops On People – Maybe you’ve heard this one before. A dark and lonely Thursday night, the Nationals 15th selection in the 2011 Draft Zach Houchins, Twitter, some comments containing racial no-nos, derogatory statements and a tweet about possibly pooping on people, everyone notices, Twitter and Facebook accounts deleted, everyone is pissed, Nationals investigating, Houchins denies he is a racist and prays to God this whole bunch of stupidity doesn’t completely drown his chances of being signed by the Nationals.

You know, that old chestnut. “SPOOOOCK!”

Strasburg Zip Lines Into PETCO For Surprise Bullpen Session – Fans at PETCO Park got a real treat Friday night when just before game time Nationals phenom and Tommy John survivor Stephen Strasburg set himself on fire and then zip lined into PETCO Park firing off an AK-47 in the air at the same time screaming, “America the Awesome!” He landed in the bullpen where he threw a session of fastballs and change-ups in front of a MLB Network camera and then disappeared after having a successful session. It was the first time the Nationals have seen Strasburg since Spring Training.

The lighting himself on fire, zip line, AK-47 part is an exaggeration to bring you into my tale so sorry if I got you a little too hot and excited. “SPOOOOCK!”

The Zimmerman Cometh – Third baseman Ryan Zimmerman is scheduled to have a two game rehab stint with the Triple-A Syracuse Chiefs this weekend and is looking at possibly coming off the DL as soon as Tuesday. He will begin Saturday against Scranton/Wilkes-Barre at 7:00 PM, have another game Sunday, take the day off on Monday and possibly be with the team against the Cardinals on Tuesday at Nationals Park.

This news warms the cockles of my heart. The fact I won’t see Jerry Hairston Jr. and Alex Cora playing on the same field night after night is absolutely delicious. “FIRE EVERYTHING! SPOOOOCK!”

Kimball To DL, Ryan Mattheus To The Show“SPOOOCK!” (Stop that) Reliever Cole Kimball was placed on the DL on Friday with shoulder inflammation. In his place, the Nationals have selected the contract of Ryan Mattheus from Triple-A Syracuse. Press Release:

Mattheus (pronounced math-yooz) posted two saves and 10.0 scoreless innings during nine relief appearances with the Chiefs. Including a 13-game stint with Double-A Harrisburg, he is 2-1 with six saves and a 1.46 ERA in 22 appearances in 2011. Mattheus has a .143 batting average against with 28 strikeouts in 24.2 innings this season.The 27-year-old is 3-2 with six saves and a 1.25 ERA in 32 games/four starts since returning from July 2009 “Tommy John” ligament-replacement surgery on July 31, 2010.

Math-Yooz. Math-Yooz. Let it roll off your tongue a couple times. Doesn’t have the same effect as, wait for it– “SPOOOOCK!”

NQ Upgrade Is A Work In Progress – Just a quick update on the upgrade: I know I warned you about site problems as we did the upgrade and none have happened yet thank God because we actually have found a platform where we can build the site and not have it post. So if it looks like nothing is happening it is because we are still slowly going through the process in a backdoor to the NQ you can’t see. When something major is about to be posted I’ll let you know.

I just didn’t want you to worry about us. We are solid. “Hi, Christopher. I’m Nero. SPOOOCK!”

And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

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