Your Nationals Dispatch: News To Stroke Your Louisville Slugger To Edition

Oh, geez. I tell my staff what I am going to name this morning’s post, “News To Stroke Your Louisville Slugger To” and what do they give me? A picture of Livan. That is not attractive, that is just damn creepy. We really can’t do better than that?

Apparently not. My staff informs me I’ve been a little heavy and abusive lately on the Stephen Strasburg and Bryce Harper photos and I just posted a Ryan Zimmerman story so that would just be repetition. All they can do for me this morning is Livan. Ugh. That is okay, I guess, because Livan is part of the news, but I wouldn’t say the most exciting bit. In fact, he is part of the news I don’t want to read about. However, there is big Strasburg and Harper news and that always makes me want to grab my wood and– hit the batting cages. Or read–

Your Nationals Dispatch.

Stephen Strasburg To Mercifully Finish Off The Dodgers Tuesday – Baseball fans know what is going on with the L.A. Dodgers. The divorce proceedings of their owner and the financial backlash has all but consumed everything the team does. It is a horrible situation for their team and fans. The Dodgers, a once proud and staple franchise of MLB, are now just a shell of that former greatness. Someone should do something, help them. Indeed. That is why the Washington Nationals have set the date for pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg’s return to be Sept. 6, 2011 at Nationals Park against the sad and blue Dodgers.

Buy your tickets now to what is already being called a “mercy killing.”

Bryce Harper Is Headed Back To The Desert For the AFL, Maybe Peyote – Outfield and offensive prospect Bryce Harper is headed back to the desert and his second romp in the Arizona Fall League along with five other Nationals prospects this Fall. The Nationals made the announcement Tuesday afternoon. Joining Harper will be sixth overall pick in the 2011 Major League Baseball Draft infielder Anthony Rendon, RHP Pat Lehman, RHP Rafael Martin, LHP Sammy Solis, and catcher Derek Norris.

Damn, Harper and Rendon in the same line-up. That is shot of top-shelf future. Two young sluggers with huge baseball paychecks, out in the middle of the desert, with an Indian guide and some peyote– anything can happen.

Tom Milone Should Be The Trojan Man – It almost seems like a condom commercial, but Nats prospect pitcher Tom Milone will be the 100th USC Trojan to make it to the Majors if he indeed does debut this weekend in place of the now shutdown Jordan Zimmermann. For Triple-A Syracuse Milone is 12-6 with a 3.22 ERA while striking out 155 against only 16 walks. Jesus, are those stats right? Incredible.

I can see it now- Davey Johnson is looking at his rotation on paper and says, “Gee, I need to give someone the ball who can offer protection if we take the lead.” Suddenly the door blows open and in slides Tom Milone. TROJAN MAN!

Livan Hernandez Wants To Work For Food, Again – Feeling cocky after helping the Nationals demolish the Atlanta Braves 9-2 on Tuesday night and after throwing a milestone 50,000 pitches in his career, pitcher Livan Hernandez found it appropriate to start stumping for a job. Unfortunately he wants a job with the Nationals, again, and is even willing to take a long reliever role.

No. The answer is just no. We’ve pushed this orphanage as close to the side of the cliff as we can. We’ve tempted baseball fate for too long. We milked this cow for all it was worth, time to put it out to pasture or make it beef. Time to move on. Livan has shown that 2010 was a fluke, he really isn’t going to get all that better and the phantom of those allegations of helping a drug kingpin are still floating around. No.

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And that is Your Nationals Dispatch.

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