Garth Algar Answers The Nats Mailbag

We haven’t had a special guest come in a long while to answer Bill Ladson’s Nats Mailbag and today I think we will remedy this. Today’s guest is Garth Algar from Aurora, Illinois. He is co-host of a hit cable access show and totally knows how to party. He also drives the immortal Mirthmobile which I am going to go into the parking lot now and do donuts in while he answers the questions that hang in Natstown’s minds. Go for it Garth.

Why is there constant talk of the Nationals pursuing Rays outfielder B.J. Upton? The Nationals have a crowded outfield with Michael Morse, Jayson Werth and Bryce Harper. The Nationals are getting killed in on-base percentage, so why trade for Upton who barely bats .250 with a less than impressive OBP. Wouldn’t a better route be to pursue an infielder with a traditional OBP and trade either Ian Desmond or Danny Espinosa?
— Chris M. , Williamsburg, Va.

Garth Algar: “Let me tell you something about women, Wayne. They want you to come get them– they LOVE it.”

With the Nats still looking for pop in the lineup, is it out of the question for them to pursue first baseman Albert Pujols or Prince Fielder and keep Morse in left?
— Luis A., Manassas, VA

Garth Algar: “It’s like a new pair of underwear. At first, it’s constrictive. But after awhile it becomes a part of you.”

Do you see Yankees outfielder Brett Gardner as a possible trade acquisition for the Nationals. What have you heard?
— Harry P., Lady Lake, Fla.

Garth Algar: “I definitely smell a pork product of some kind.”

This may sound crazy but what about putting left-hander John Lannan and outfielder Roger Bernadina in a package for a quality starter? Lannan, in my mind, hasn’t been a quality starter and Bernadina hasn’t improved during his time with the Nats.
— Ed K., Harrisonburg. Va.

Garth Algar: “OK… First I’ll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I’ll ID the limo by the vanity plate “MR. BIGGG” and get his approximate position. Then I’ll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Big’s limo… It’s almost too easy.”

Do the Nats conduct “exit interviews” whereby they suggest offseason training, workouts and how the player should work on his deficiencies?
— Larry L., Silver Spring, Md.

Garth Algar: “We fear change.”

Behind the scenes, was the Nats’ coaching staff holding the players accountable for the high number of strikeouts that were accumulated in 2011?
— Dave C., Arlington, Va.

Garth Algar: “Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?”

(NQ Editor’s Final Question not in the Mailbag)

What are your thoughts on Nyjer Morgan and the Milwaukee Brewers (Actually , it’s pronounced “mill-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land.”) being eliminated from the post season and failing to reach the World Series?

Garth Algar: “Nyjer is nobody’s friend. If Nyjer were an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick.”

Good call, Garth. You know, I think this calls for a little Bohemian Rhapsody, gentlemen.

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