It is times like these that I sincerely hope the Washington Nationals organization reads this blog. I cannot think of a better place for them to gather key information on how to create a positive environment and experience for their loyal fans. News has recently broke that the Washington Nationals will be adding a fifth president to the infamous Geico Presidents Race. Adding a fifth president will add an exciting new dynamic to this 4th inning tradition.
Or will it……?
Let’s not ignore what this is really about, the Nationals are desperately trying to keep the intrigue of the Presidents Race alive. Despite what many think of the race, I view it as a local tradition that I look forward to each game. To me, it is essentially like singing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” during the Seventh Inning Stretch. However, with any special event there is a level of intrigue that must be maintained. In the case of the Presidents Race, the mystery behind Teddy Roosevelt’s first ever victory was what kept the intrigue alive. By having him win, the race essentially die– or at least it should have died.
The Presidents Race will likely become the equivalent to that lousy sequel to what was once a great flick. It has transformed from Bruce Almighty to Evan Almighty; from The Godfather to The Godfather Part Three. After a certain point you just have to quit while you are ahead. Despite my pessimism towards the future of the race, there are a few possibilities to keep the level of enthusiasm toward the race alive. Here is my list of ideas on who the fifth president should be, why, and what about them could be done to make them a successful rookie in the majors:
- Franklin Roosevelt: FDR played a substantial role in lifting us out of the Great Depression and WWII making him an iconic president. His popularity would instantly make him a fan favorite. The way to make it really interesting would be to have him race in a wheel chair to serve as an inspiration for everyone out there who still has polio.
- William Taft: How can one not love William Taft? The man got stuck in a bath tub for God’s sake. Every victory for him is a victory for the pleasantly plump members of society that make America great!
- Richard Nixon: Every great game needs a villain right? How fun would Super Mario be if there were no Bowser?
- Gerald Ford: The man could barely walk in a straight line without eating dirt. Put some obstacles for him conquer during the race and every victory is guaranteed to generate excitement.
- Chester A. Arthur: Is there anything super special as to why Chester should be chosen regarding his presidency or character? Not necessarily. However, how could anyone not root for those sideburns? After all, something has to outsell those Jayson Werth beard silhouette t-shirts, right?
- John Quincy Adams: Adams was known for frequently skinny-dipping in the Potomac River. So why not bring a little exhibitionism into the mix? A little public nudity never hurt anybody.
- Andrew Jackson: Jackson is the only known president to have killed someone in a duel. In these times of gun advocacy, who better than Andrew Jackson to race?
- William Henry Harrison: It would be exhilarating to even see him get started!
- Warren Harding: The amount of bets made on the presidents races would increase substantially. Word of advice for Harding: don’t bet on yourself. If you were good at gambling you might still have that priceless White House china.
- Bill Clinton: To me, Bill Clinton is the most sensible choice. Just put some fat female intern at the finish line and he would be guaranteed to win every race.
If the Nats go with one of these ten options, I am fairly confident that the Geico Presidents Race can maintain its luster and popularity. However, for some reason I just do not see that happening. I hope everyone enjoyed the Presidents Race while it lasted.
Now that Teddy won, the Geico Presidents Race’s attractiveness will most likely be dead like nine of the ten presidents on that list.
(Photo jacked from Silver Underground)