I just have to pass on this Washington Times article by Harlen Goode about the Washington Nationals Groundkeepers. You know, those guys who run all over the field before and after the game with rakes, hoses, and a cool little golf cart? Yeah, well these guys have cool names like “Wild Bill” and have all these six or seven senses and crap. Sort of like Jedi.

He kneels on the pitcher’s mound, rubbing clay into trenches left from Collin Balester and Brett Myers’ duel the night before. His dark red Nationals cap long ago faded to a light pink, and the interlocking D.C. logo has blurred together, fused by quarts of sweat. So dedicated is DiVito that on most mornings he can tell who pitched the night before just by looking at the tracks left on the mound, and he knows how to reconstruct the hill so as to prepare for specifications of the coming night’s starter.

“You have to learn to micromanage their spots,” DiVito says. “The goal is uniformity, but you have to know how their foot lands.”

Personally, I find that to be completely awesome. Who knew guys dealing in dirt and grass were so talented and dedicated? I wish my landscaper was that dedicated. Of course, his dedication to crack and beer might have something to do with his bad attitude.

It would be great if he could unify my yard, cut the grass and mold the dirt to fit my footsteps perfectly. He might as well do Jesus’ too because I read that story about Him carrying you on the beach or something if your tired.

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