Nats Blue Ribbon and– Bratwurst

The NQ pulled up to the (full and closed) Yards to try and find decent parking today and head over to reader @Powerboater69‘s tailgate in said Yards, but couldn’t get in due to huge masses of people already partying and getting juiced like degenerates and fake rock star Washington politicians.

However, it wasn’t a total loss. As we pulled up, so did the Pabst Blue Ribbon truck to Nats Park. Baseball Gods, be praised! Glory! If that wasn’t a good sign about how the day was going to go, I don’t know what would suffice.

Tailgating was pretty tight. Beers and bratwurst. With Dr. W having season tickets I am seriously considering a future NQ Tailgate event which would probably include beer and– bratwurst. And hopefully chicks. Yeah, chicks. Any chicks wanna come drink some beer with this blog?

But thanks to Tom and the rest of those particular hooligans for the invite, beer and– bratwurst. Big supporters of this blog even though we totally suck. Also saw these flags in The Yards and thought I’d take a shot of them:

A NQ tailgate… the idea gives me both nightmares and wood.

Nats Fans Are Riding (Getting) High These Days

The Washington Nationals continue to be in first place in the NL East regardless of major injuries to a good portion of their roster and they just finished off their first game at Fenway Park against the Boston Red Sox in systematic and badass fashion led by Stephen Strasburg’s 13Ks and a Bryce Harper two-run 420 ft bomb. The Nationals embarrassed a whole “Nation” by the score of 7-4.

It is a ridiculously good time to be a Nationals fan right now and apparently, some are celebrating by breaking out the wacky tobacky.

Speaking of “420,” a clear-eyed (?) Nats fan known only as Natz420 sent in this photo from some headshop. Even the proprietors of fine tobacco-use only products are cashing in on the recent Nationals success. It only goes to show you: if your baseball team is playing good game, everyone benefits.

I bet if Elijah Dukes had this little guy in his man-purse, he would have done a lot better in Washington.

Idiot Editor’s Note: The NQ has been a bit absent lately and have missed tons of good and awesome stuff. Our apologies but life has gotten in the way. We’ll try to jump back on this horse as soon as we can. Until then, hit up the other nifty Nats blog located on the sidebar– there, I did it, I promoted. People say I am so selfish, too selfish to promote other blogs. Well, they can take that and put it in their Nats pipe and smoke it.

Congress Wants In On The Nationals/Phillies Ticket Epic

So you remember that whole “Take Back The Park” thing the Nationals have going to seemingly trying to prevent Philadelphia Phillies fans from invading Nationals Park? I think you know it. It has had Nationals fans thumping their chests and Phillies fans throwing their hands up and slapping air the past week.

If you are like me then you are tired of hearing about this gimmick, this twisted ploy by Andy Feffer and the Nationals Think Tank who are making themselves out to be 300 Spartans against a horde of elephant-riding mutants when in actuality they are just shrewd salesmen taking advantage of minds full of delusion and toxicity up North. If you think they aren’t making a pretty penny off this then you are nuts.

It all came to a head on Thursday afternoon when Pennsylvanian Senator Bob Casey threw the all powerful arm of Congress into the melee with his tweet above. He then followed it up with this explaining why the Great Eye of Law and Equality has turned its gaze to Washington:

Right, Bob, right. Is this really how you spend your time? Do you seriously have nothing to do? “Some of the best fans in the world” throw up on little girls, get fried with tasers and hate Santa Claus and Bobby never speaks up, but someone comes up with a gimmick to maybe rob a few hundred trailer park nutballs who can’t figure their way around this of a weekend vacation they can’t afford and Bobby suddenly has the wolves on us.

Alright, Bobby. Fair move. You go ahead and bring Congress and the whole lot of them into this. You really can’t do anything more to make this anymore embarrassing for both parties. Do it. Sue us. Better yet, bring forth a “Phillies Fan Oppression Bill” and put it through the system.

By the way things are in Congress these days I am sure it will go right through like butter through a goose.

I Hope 2012 and the Nats Look Like Something Out of Tron: Legacy

Well it is finally here, the beginning of the last year in existence according to certain cultures long lost out of their own existence: 2012.

Good-bye 2011, you long, brutal bastard. It was a year that had the Inquisition spending a full month in Florida following Spring Training, a couple blogger’s nights at Nationals Park, going to more baseball games than ever before and having Jayson Werth yell at us for taking his picture. If you would have told me four years ago I’d be here listening to Red Fang and writing on one of the best god damned Washington Nationals blogs out there– STILL– after all this time I would of called you nuts.

And you are. You are nuts. I have the proof below. I have the “Top 5 NQ Blog Posts of 2011″ right here in front of me, ready to be typed up. 2011 was a year where the Nationals rose in the standings, regained Stephen Strasburg, had their catcher kidnapped then rescued commando-style, found a loved workhorse was in league with guys who use drug mules, saw Bryce Harper blowing kisses and being awesome, Jim Riggleman freak out and go drinking and a whole plethora of other Nationals events which might make 2011 truly memorable– and none of the top five posts based on page views reflects that. This is what you came to the NQ for in 2011:

  1. Mr. Miyagi Week And Nats Weekend Recap Blitz

  2. According To Topps, Jayson Werth Is Still A Phillie Under The Photoshop

  3. Bryce Harper Is The Dread Pirate Roberts

  4. A Brief History Of Nationals Facial Hair

  5. Elijah Dukes Swears He Didn’t Have A Man Purse Of Drugs

So if I read this right, a majority of people came to the NQ this past year to attend Mr. Miyagi Week and read about facial hair, Jayson Werth and man purses full of drugs. That is absolutely nuts. You all are nuts– and I love it. When I started the NQ back in 2008 part of the reason I did it was because I wanted to bring in a new breed of Nationals fan into the fold. Seeing that Top 5 gives me faith that we are headed in the right direction with this thing. People might be actually starting to get it and that is cool.

You might have noticed but the Nationals Inquisition went through a little bit of a redesign recently. It is still a work in progress, but so far I am liking our new digs. The side bar needs cleaning up, we need a new “about” section and we will be adding some new NQ-related links to the top bar that we are excited about and hope to share with you in the near future. If you haven’t tried it yet, hit refresh on the page: the photos on the sides change. There are six original Nationals-related photos that will cycle through. Collect them all. An absolute shout out to Miss Natpenny who has been in charge of the redesign.

There will be a lot going on with the NQ in 2012, even though the world might end in December. We are lining up our schedules to some games throughout the year, we’ll be in Viera for a few days this March and we hope to continue to grow the site. Been a wonderful four years and it is much in thanks to you all and your comments and mailings of thongs and underwear.

I can’t say where the 2012 Washington Nationals end up. They will either be the greatest team in Washington since baseball returned or will be the biggest disappointment since the Teddy Roughrider was retired from Nationals Park, but however it might turn out: I really hope they look like something out of Tron: Legacy because that movie was awesome.

I want Stephen Strasburg to come to the mound on Opening Day in a cloak, stand on the mound in front of a sell out crowd and then place his hand down in the dirt to activate the 2012 season using his mind– then kick the sh*t out of whoever is unfortunate to be placed before him.

Strasburg Lives.

The Nationals will rise.

The Inquisition has begun…

Coming 2012.

Get Dope With Nats Bling Made Out Of Clay

Washington sports fans have proven time after time they truly have no shame and will do anything for their sports teams even though their sports teams are more than happy to put out a crappy product and still charge them like they’ve actually won a championship or a game or something.

This video (NSFW) continues to prove my point: Clay, glittery Curly W bling.

Washington Nationals… you’ve officially made it. Somewhere.

Bears. Dwarves. Washington Nationals.

It was another bitter weekend at the Inquisition.

After the Nationals completely left Yu Darvish on the table (didn’t even make a try for him) it left a bad taste in my mouth. I just couldn’t understand why. A starting pitcher, professional baseball ready, was available. It was a Nationals need. Why GM Mike Rizzo and the Think Tank couldn’t put two-and-two together I don’t know. It was just yet another missed off season opportunity. They have a list, they have needs, why aren’t they fulfilling them to make the team “better” than 2011? Is third place the golden peak they climb for?

I let myself get a little hopeful when it was said someone put in a $2.5 million bid for Norichika Aoki. The 29-year old Japanese center fielder was a batting champion in his homeland and has a .329 lifetime batting average in Nippon Professional Baseball. Holy sh*t. A center fielder who can hit! Another Nationals need! And $2.5 million isn’t going to break the Lerner’s bank so the Nats should be all in on Aoki.

Nope, it seems to be another pass. The Washington Nats have turned into the Washington “Nots.” “Nope, we are sorry. The Washington Nationals are NOT interested in the services of your player, Mr. Agent, even though he would greatly improve our team’s chances. He can play, but NOT in Washington.”

Disheartened, I turned my attention this weekend to holiday festivities like putting up the tree, evicting a squirrel that had been living in the lodge with no food or water the past five days and holding a Christmas party for the hillbillies around here. So I spiked my egg nog, put on Cotton Eyed Joe and stared into the fire as a couple hellraisers started taking shots of White Lightning and I thought on the situation in Washington.

Why the hell are they making absolutely no deals for players that obviously would benefit them? Why would they undershoot Mark Buerhle? They haven’t even gotten their feet wet in the International market– unless you count Rizzo’s late night trips to the International House of Pancakes as foreign diplomacy. What is the Nats game? I pondered on this for awhile before realizing maybe the answer has been in front of us the whole time: either the Nationals are the next Pittsburgh Pirates and will go through their history as a team on the cheap or– they truly have unfathomable faith in the players they have. They truly believe the young riff-raff they have dragged through their system mixed with guys like Ryan Zimmerman and Jayson Werth and peppered with low-cost, low-rate misfits can and will win the division or at least pull a Wild Card.

They believe Ian Desmond will cut down on the errors and actually hit the ball in lead off. They believe in Danny Espinosa. They have all the faith in the world Michael Morse is the real deal and not a Seasonal Cinderella. They believe the rotation will hold together and the bullpen will shut the door on the offensively potent rosters of the NL East. They utterly, truly and maybe hopelessly believe they are contenders– and there is something overall admirable about that. They “believe” which really is a wonderful thing. This team finally believes in itself.

At about this time the TV was on and while someone was flipping through channels it landed on a segment of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and suddenly my mind was knocked off track by the knowledge, by my belief, that if I was in Middle Earth I would be a dwarf. And I wouldn’t be just any dwarf, I’d be a dwarf who rides a bear. Can you think of anything more epically cool, but absolutely terrifying?

I would be a master miner and iron works worker. I would use fire, harnessed deep in my mountain palace, to mold tools and weapons of no equal. In my spare time I would go to my stable of bears and ride them out into the wild mountains searching for treasure and possibly helping a human or slaying a troll every so often. I would call myself Lord Burl Bearclaw and I would be one bad ass dwarf. I’d grow a beard that would put Werth to shame and be worthy of its own Twitter handle.

The idea was strangely romantic. I believed I could really be a dwarf of epic proportions. So I watched the rest of the movie. Then I went on to start reading “The Hobbit” and researching dwarves and looking at Google pictures of them. I also started researching bears so to find which one would be the most appropriate steed for my needs. I even considered signing up for that nerdy World of Warcraft thing so I could live my fantasy on the Internet.

But then I realized, “Wait a minute, I am not three feet tall. I am slightly claustrophobic and could never live in a cave. Can people even ride bears? Oh, and dwarves don’t even exist!” Needless to say, I was crushed. Just as crushed as I am about the Nationals. The belief you can do one thing or are something is grand, but just because you believe it doesn’t necessarily mean you are it. What I have spent over 800+ words trying to say is:

I am not something as hot as a dwarf riding a bear– and nor are the Nationals for that matter.

Post Once Had World Famous Violinist Wear Nats Cap In Social Experiment

Even after a couple years of the social media revolution I still don’t understand it and make every effort to laugh and make a joke of it. Like, Tumblr? What is that? I don’t know so I signed up for it just to see what it is. From the looks of it Tumblr is just a site to post pictures and find strange, artistic porn. However, I had someone post this on my “dashboard” as part of a rallying point for social change, etc.:

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.

The bold text takes you to the story in question and its findings back in 2007. There is even video of it. It is quite an interesting read from Gene Weingarten. But the article’s content is not what we are here for. What we are here for is the mere fact that the Washington Post once had a world famous violinist playing a $3.5 million dollar violin wearing a Nationals cap you can get from a vendor going towards Navy Yard Metro for $5.

Bad picture above, I know, but that is a Nats hat and Weingarten’s article even makes mention of it.

I only post it because I know there are people out there keeping tally of who, where and when someone wears a Nationals cap anywhere on God’s green bowling ball. There seems to be niche for that sort of thing. I am only fullfilling those people’s needs and addictions.

I am like a drug dealer, but without the drugs. Only hats.

File this one under “Oldie But Goodie.”